Mortification Station

OK, I am literally about to die of embarrassment.
This morning I went for a jog with Motu, and then to the coffee shop for a latte and then walked around a little bit more and then came home.
I just came home and went to the bathroom. I went to go pull my jogging pants up and there is a huge hole in them. Right in the ass. Actually, the hole goes from the top of my veiny, cottage-cheese thighs, exposing the veritable canyon that is the crease which separates my ass from my thighs, to my ridiculous baby blue plaid underpants. If there was a less attractive part of my body I don't know what it is. I almost wish I had a tit out or something, at least those are nice...
There were all these high schools kids laughing. But I was like "kristen, don't be paranoid, the teenagers are not laughing at you." In hindsight, I could die.
Oh my god - In the park I was stretching and all the dog walkers were really gawking and I was like, "wow maybe I am not noticing a difference with the jogging but these gross dog walkers can't get enough."
Fucking Otis. If I hadn't actually witnessed my cat eating cotton, especially cotton spandex blends, I wouldn't believe it. I would think I had a large army of moths.
I could die a thousands deaths right now. I was talking to people in the park! OMG as if I need a reason to never show my face in the outside again.

I have to get rid of these cats. Motu is not destructive at all. My cats however, toss their litter and shit all over the hardwood floors. They race around the apartment and meow as loud as possible from 5:30 until Jon gets up at 7:00. The puke constantly. Not to even mention the white cat hair that is EVERYWHERE. I have to find some crazy cat lady to take them. Fortunately, they are beautiful cats I bet it wouldn't be hard to get rid of them...Any Takers?
If not I am going to wait until Sarah comes back from Korea and then give her a "welcome home" present.