I need to straighten some thing out on my own.
These are the realities I am working with:
I feel better, now. I have been feeling pretty good for a while now.
I know the longer I stay on the pills the better the "good pathways" are established chemically, in my brain, with pills.
But-
Who cares? I get off pills, have #2 baby. I still have a 50/50 chance of getting the depression again.
Makes me thing this is more than chemical, like it was some kind of choice. I am still daily struggling between "I can't" and "I have to." Where is the disconnect? Herein lies my conundrum.
This isn't about $. My MIL is still paying. You can send your last bill right to her.
Sorry to be such a flake. You are in the business of crazy though, so you must be used to it.
I feel like it has been too long since I called you and I missed all those appointments. You have literally saved my life. But, I don't want to come back, now.
I could be so lucky that this is the last you hear from me.
Monday, October 01, 2007
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