First Tuesday of the Month

Here, all the museums are free on the first Tuesday of the month.
E and I went to the Asian Art Museum.
He was a blooming monster. He screeched through the fashion exhibit. A retarded dude tried to quiet him down by touching him, E was not amused.
Topper, there was a suicide attempt, Oh Yeah We Could See the Jumper from the Museum.
I have seen more than my fair share of bodies jumping to their death. I don't need to TAKE PICTURES OF IT FROM MY PHONE! honestly.

I believe I may have gotten the recognition that ends my blogging career.
promises written on greenhouses

Dreams are strong.

Anniversaries

I started taking the Zoloft 1 year ago today. Pretty crazy, that I was admitting to myself that things were that bad.
Also equally hard to believe that Jon left on Sunday for a 12 day European trip, I was reprimanded by my MIL for calling it a two week trip. Me and my big, dramatic, mouth.
Due to a scheduling mix-up, my MIL was here last week, she also left on Sunday. So, I am here alone, till next Thursday, as in next month. So yeah, he is missing Halloween...

dear dr liza

I need to straighten some thing out on my own.

These are the realities I am working with:
I feel better, now. I have been feeling pretty good for a while now.
I know the longer I stay on the pills the better the "good pathways" are established chemically, in my brain, with pills.
But-
Who cares? I get off pills, have #2 baby. I still have a 50/50 chance of getting the depression again.
Makes me thing this is more than chemical, like it was some kind of choice. I am still daily struggling between "I can't" and "I have to." Where is the disconnect? Herein lies my conundrum.

This isn't about $. My MIL is still paying. You can send your last bill right to her.

Sorry to be such a flake. You are in the business of crazy though, so you must be used to it.
I feel like it has been too long since I called you and I missed all those appointments. You have literally saved my life. But, I don't want to come back, now.

I could be so lucky that this is the last you hear from me.

Thursday

It has been a weird Thursday already. I had a play date with a friend, J. Her son H, is 4 days older than ours. She told me today she was preggo. Due Dec 5, an oops baby. I am am having such weird conflicting feelings.

Jealousy- which I found surprising.
Pity- being pregnant is not fun, and she is never going to sleep again.
Joy- a friend of mine is having a baby and I will get to hold it!

I am going to see Barry Bonds today - Giants vs Braves. Think he'll hit 2 homers?
I am going to try to eat 2 hot dogs.

Things that are super sweet about our new place.

1. Dishwasher
2. Washer / Dryer on the premises. We still don't have our own but we share one with 4 other units and no quarters, so a big improvement for us.
3. Plenty of space. I am currently in the office/ guest room. jon is cooking, e is watching shrek. All as it should be.
4. Garbage Disposal
5. We have a little shared courtyard. I am the current gardener. I love watering the plants, I planted some lavender and some mint.
6. Huge generous closets.
7. Real Kitchen.
8. Significantly quieter than our old place. Since that was actually on Haight St.
9. For I am pretty sure the first time in our relationship, we can each get into our own side of the bed, we each have our own night stand (alarm clock, places for our eye masks, chap stick, personals), Bliss.


Things that are not so sweet:

1. Huge fucking mortgage. I guarantee mine is bigger than yours!
2. I think out neighbors are haters.
3. See #2 and I just feel a little like, ugh, I don't want them to catch me smoking. or I don't want the animals to be too loud. I don't feel welcome.
4. You can't tell people you bought a place in SF. Everyone accuses you of being rich. So...not the case. aka haters

What's not to love?
I am doing really very well. Have been feeling fantastic and been taking care of mine. I just read the most fantastic book Random Family, totally addicting.

I have also been wasting time on myspace. Cause I am cool like that, super late to jump on the bandwagon! I have been chatting with my high school sweetheart.

unfreaking believable (in the best way) or I have a dishwasher!!

So yeah,
We took the dive. the huge major dive into home ownership, in SF. We are nuts, I know, please don't tell me.
We have like, a nice house, with a dishwasher. It is in a co-op which are wildly popular in SF.
The move was a nightmare and jon and I were at each others throats. But that is how you are supposed to be when you buy a place and move. hella stressful.

This move is so fantastic for the baby. And the animals. It is great. We are all happy. Way over our heads in debt in such a way that I have to laugh.

We have no internet or phone. But I have my cell for those of you in the know.

love life

As the housing crisis heightens in our household, I am doing not so well. The stress is literally killing me. I can't eat or sleep, and I have been pooping mud for days.
I went to see Dr Liz on Weds. I went in, smiling through clenched teeth. By the end, I was sobbing and angry.