Anniversaries

I started taking the Zoloft 1 year ago today. Pretty crazy, that I was admitting to myself that things were that bad.
Also equally hard to believe that Jon left on Sunday for a 12 day European trip, I was reprimanded by my MIL for calling it a two week trip. Me and my big, dramatic, mouth.
Due to a scheduling mix-up, my MIL was here last week, she also left on Sunday. So, I am here alone, till next Thursday, as in next month. So yeah, he is missing Halloween...

dear dr liza

I need to straighten some thing out on my own.

These are the realities I am working with:
I feel better, now. I have been feeling pretty good for a while now.
I know the longer I stay on the pills the better the "good pathways" are established chemically, in my brain, with pills.
But-
Who cares? I get off pills, have #2 baby. I still have a 50/50 chance of getting the depression again.
Makes me thing this is more than chemical, like it was some kind of choice. I am still daily struggling between "I can't" and "I have to." Where is the disconnect? Herein lies my conundrum.

This isn't about $. My MIL is still paying. You can send your last bill right to her.

Sorry to be such a flake. You are in the business of crazy though, so you must be used to it.
I feel like it has been too long since I called you and I missed all those appointments. You have literally saved my life. But, I don't want to come back, now.

I could be so lucky that this is the last you hear from me.