Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Is It All in the Name

OK I just realized that a lot of important women in my life name's start with M...

Maria
Momatron
Mia
Mariah
Mom


Also I need some assvice from some moms that have already toilet trained.

So we got some big boy underpants. (For reference, E has peed in the potty exactly 2 times. Jump the gun much?)
E was really interested and so I put them on him. He wore them all through Toy Story yesterday and then we went for a walk and he peed in his pants. He felt the wet and was uncomfortable and asked to be changed. Today, when he woke up, he asked for them again. So on went the spider man undies. I am asking him like a broken record, Do you have to pee/ use the potty? (I am beginning to annoy myself w/ the constant questioning)
The kid can really hold it. He has been in the undies for 2 hours now. (almost through toy story again.) He hasn't peed (in his pants or otherwise).
Never mind, I am not even sure what my question is, and he peed. I put a diaper back on him. What a relief! I am secretly anxious when he is in underpants. I have to really pay attention to him. THE HORROR.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Guilt Incarnate



your're eating a hard boiled egg? don't you mean chicken embryo ?(overheard on cellphone)

problem with the accessibility of face book.


k- Hey T, wassup? Haven't seen you in a thousand years. Where ya been bitch?

t- I have been staying close to home, I have multiple sclerosis.

k - Super lame dude, good luck with all that. laters.



Now if I could just get Jesus Christ Superstar out of my head...

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

ROAR!

Forgive me if you've heard this one...

So last time my MIL was here, was for E's birthday.
We were painting a few weeks after she left and we made some cool hand prints and foot prints. I proudly displayed them all over the fridge. Jon came home and remarked on how cute they were and I should send one to his mom. Great idea right? I mean she was here and 'helped' us out and everything, sure. So I wrote on the back something like 'hi gramma, thanks for coming out to play with me.' and sent it off.
A few days later, I get a voicemail, because I CANNOT pick up the phone for this woman. 'Thanks for the masterpiece I love it...but...do you think next time you could put C's name on it? He was very hurt to not be included...'

I may have overreacted. I cannot help but feel the sting from that voicemail, even now, months later. I didn't talk to her for 2 months. I need to add that she didn't know that I was not talking to her because a) she is too self-involved to notice b) i am a chicken-shit that will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation.

Anyway, after a long time, I let it go.

Yesterday I get a voicemail from MIL. 'hi it's C's (her husbands) birthday next weds, do you think you could make something for him and sent it from the baby? A hand print or a footprint or a drawing or something'
I almost spiked my cellphone and yelled FUCK YOU into it. (i know, impressive)

I am almost shaking with rage from it. I want to call her up and tell her that I am taking care of my baby and you need to take care of your own baby.

E doesn't know her husband. He hasn't seen him since xmas 2006. I LOVE her husband. Please do not get me wrong, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He takes up all the MIL attention because he is a needy, fancy doctor. I couldn't be happier. We wouldn't be in this house if it wasn't for him (and MIL and my parents).

Jon thinks I am 'acting ridiculous.' Any type of problem or concern comes up in my life and he wants to know 'if I have thought about going back on my meds.' I told him to do it then. He told me to just rip off the paper from his easel and send it. Am I being over sensitive? I cannot even put my finger on why I am so enraged.

Yeah life is 'harder' w/o the antidepressants. But what a relief to actually give a shit about stuff again. Life comfortably numb is not for me. Unless you are talking about self-medicating, then keep the vodka tonics flowing.

I am also watching my city get ripped apart by this Olympic torch. I have many feelings about the whole thing but I busy getting ready for my favorite night of tv - Idol results show and ANTM (wanna be on top?)

Friday, April 04, 2008

What It Does to Your Mind...

"Although we may pay lip service to the wonders of a new life much of the way our adult lives are organized seems to actively exclude children, and therefore also exclude any adult who has to be with those children. Hence working and social situations outside of our homes are not 'user-friendly' towards children. "(Price p20)

I just started reading the book the above quote came from, Motherhood What It Does to You Mind. (Pandora, 1988)
So far it seems to blame the alienation of mothers on society. Dr. Jane Price is British, so she is blaming British culture.
She is a 'psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in the psychology of women.' So says the back cover.
So far I really like that she uses words like anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety, and jealousy as part of the complicated emotional relationship between mother and child. I am not sure that I agree with her theories. What a relief it is to read a book that doesn't act like losing your pre-baby identity is just another thing you are supposed to just grin and bear it. It is traumatic, it is painful. It is the most powerful thing I have experienced in my lifetime. The expectations of the kind of parent I thought I would be vs reality is also a major death to mourn.

I just wanted to jot down a few ideas, I'll write a full review after I finish the whole book. There are lots of provoking ideas in the book.