Back at Home

So we are back at home - AMA.
I am still leaking fluid so I guess it is more of a slow leak than an actual gush. Even though there is quite a bit of gushing. It is like a freakin slip and slip down there. There is a serious amount of fluid in there FYI.
The hospital does not inspire confidence. Jon and I had to show the med student how to work the blood pressure thingy because we were playing with it, we knew, and they took my temp as we were leaving and it was 98.4 and the dr asked if that was Fahrenheit or Celsius?!?!?
My contractions started in the hospital while we were there. If they don't pick up considerably they will induce us tomorrow at like noonish.
So that is the update.
-contracting, leaking and blogging in San Francisco

whoosh

I think my water just broke.
off to the hospital after I shower, walk the dog, and eat some lunch.
They didn't say I should come in right away...

Weirdness

I have this strange feeling of weirdness. Like almost a dizzy feeling. I am going to see how it goes and then maybe call jon in a little while if I don't feel less weird.
My blood pressure was elevated yesterday at my appointment and it has been "good" the whole time. SO perhaps that is the culprit for my light headed feeling. Maybe I should take a nap, I have been awake for 3 1/2 hours, now and I already made a meatloaf.
I made a meat loaf for dinner tonight. And maybe it was being on my feet and being over a stove and stuff. I don't know. I just ate a whole bunch of grapes to maybe make me feel better.

I really want to see the Harry Potter movie.

Ready and Willing

Hormones are a weird and powerful beast.
I have to say that I am continually impressed with my bodily functions.
We went to the midwife today and I asked her if she was going to do an internal exam to see if I was dilated or if my cervix was ripe and squishy. She said - no, there is no reason to mess around up there all it will tell us is what it is right now - there is no future indication of the when.
So we are smack dab in the midst of the unknown. At any moment the process could begin and our lives will be changed forever. But as of right now, I just have heartburn.
We are in the middle of a heat wave. It has been hot and sunny. This is not beneficial to a woman who is carrying around 40 extra lbs. I am no longer disclosing my weight because it is upsetting. I get tired walking up the stairs. I have to sit down in the shower.
In other news, we were knocked out of seeing Harry Potter this weekend by a mass of adolescents. It was sold out for hours. We ended up going to Kiehl's and buying cute stuff for the baby. Then we went to the grown up theater and saw Capote. Philip Seymour Hoffman was fantastic. He should get an Oscar nod at least. You totally forget he is not Truman Capote. However when you go out to see Harry Potter and then you end up seeing Capote, there is really no hope. What can I say?

My fedex package showed up on Sunday. Isn't that weird? So my little meltdown was for naught and now I have my diaper liners and my little baby mirror. Hurray!

My beauty product plugs for the week:
In case you care thismakes my hair look so beautiful I can't stop brushing it and admiring the luster...
Also this stuff has all but erased the crows feet from around my eyes. Unless of course it is all this extra fat that has pooled in my face, but either way, no wrinkles around my eyes!

Think of me if you will while I make my husband engage in forced sex and nipple stimulation until #1 arrives!

"Are there any techniques I can try myself at home to get my labor going?
Yes, but none of them have been proven consistently effective, and some aren't safe to try at home. Here's the scoop on some do-it-yourself techniques you may have heard about:

• Nipple stimulation. Twisting or pinching your nipples releases your own natural oxytocin. A few studies have found it to be effective in getting labor going within 72 hours if your cervix is already ripe, but the method has not been well studied. And you shouldn't try it at home because it can sometimes cause prolonged contractions that could stress your baby and depress his heart rate.

• Sexual intercourse. Having sex won't induce labor, but it can't hurt to try! Semen contains some prostaglandin, and having an orgasm may stimulate a few contractions."
-http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/173.html

"Natural Ways to Induce Labor
If the medical methods of jump starting labor sound a bit off putting, there are a number of home remedies for inducing labor naturally when you are past your due date. But remember: none of these remedies will start labor unless you have already begun to dilate. However, some methods can help you to tone and soften your uterus.

1. Eat spicy foods or pineapple.

2. Go for a walk or march up some stairs. This is thought to bring on labor because of the pressure of the babyÂ’s head pressing down on your cervix. At the very least, walking can help get your baby into a better position for labor.

3. Have sex. A favorite for many pregnant women, sex can help by releasing a hormone called oxytocin, which causes the uterus to contract. Additionally, semen contains a substance known as prostaglandins, which will help soften the cervix.

4. Nipple stimulation. For those who find sex just too uncomfortable right now, nipple stimulation may be a better choice. It helps to bring on labor in much the same way sex does, by releasing oxytocin. However, this method may take a bit more effort than sex to start labor."
-http://www.pregnancy-info.net/labor_inducing_labor.html

When New Yorkers say 'fuck you' they mean 'have a nice day' when Californians say 'have a nice day' they mean 'fuck you.'

Seriously-
Incident #1
I was at Trader Joe's totally spacing out in front of the various sauces and things not even looking, just staring through them. Eventually I turn around after taking my sweet time and there is this woman glaring at me. Staring daggers at me. What the fuck? So I said, oh I didn't hear you say excuse me. Why get all pissy and passive aggressive? Say fucking excuse me like a normal impatient person.

Incident #2
I get on the bus yesterday and it was really crowded. The bus driver yells, 'Somebody let her sit down.' nobody moves they all just stare at me, unmoving. So she yells again, 'I ain't moving this bus until she gets a seat.' Finally some guy gets up. Unreal though, who could just sit there with a 9+ month pregnant woman wobble around on the bus. People in NYC may be assholes, but I never saw a pregnant woman standing on the subway. It is called fucking manners.

38 Weeks Today

I could literally "go" anytime.

Today is my Pepere's Birthday. He would be 99 today if he was still alive. That is a little crazy. We are giving #1 part of the same name as my Pepe. He will also have the same first two initials. I guess my Pepe didn't like his original first name and so he switched it with his middle name. I guess you could just do that; well, he did. So #1's middle name will be his original first name. Which I think is a very nice name, obviously. Are you confused yet?

We had our last birthing class last night. We totally ditched out early to go and get cheese steaks. We went to a different place, but it was still no "Philly Cheese steak."

There was this couple last week who were being so annoying. They were bitching and kinda taunting the instructor, the ones I wanted to two-foot kick to the neck in fact. It turns out that the day after our class the lady started leaking fluid and so she ended up having the baby 7 weeks early. Do you think that is Karma? They are all OK but the baby will be in the hospital for at least a month. It makes me feel awful for them. Even if they were tools, no one deserves that.

Someone stole my FedEx package yesterday and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. Whoever stole my baby mirror and diaper liners I hope you are having fun with them, Fuckface!

These hormones are RAGING. I cried when I found out that my package had been stolen.

Manic Mood Swings Rule!

Lies and the Reality

Remember the post where I bragged about not having stretch marks?
Apparently, I lied, they are just hiding, on the underside of my belly. I will spare you pictures but I just wanted to clear that up.

Don't Cry

So, I was invited to dinner by a friend who is going to cooking school, this past Saturday. I was so psyched. We are going to leave and Jon says, um aren't you going to put some make-up on or something. I was thinking, jesus I must look like shit. So I go and pretty myself up a bit and we walk to my friend's house.
We get there and it is a surprise baby shower for me! How do I react to a surprise party? I cry. What an asshole. I just couldn't stop. I couldn't believe people cared enough to have a party for me. So I was stuffed with delicious treats and some very sweet gifts.
It was lots of fun. I have never had a surprise party before. All the participants then bragged about how sneaky they were to arrange the whole thing. It was so sweet.
I can't believe Jon was able to keep a secret!

In other news as of tomorrow we are in the baby window. Anytime from November 15 to December 15. I am sure that we will go near the end. We have never been early for anything.
I also had a couple of contractions this weekend. And I saw my pipe dream of a natural childbirth fly out the window, like so much smoke. Holy shit. Contractions fucking hurt! These weren't no Braxton-Hicks "practice contractions." So I don't know, obviously I will keep you posted.

I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS OR SOMETHING

We had our second birthing class last night. Result I wanted to two foot kick this one couple in the neck. They were so stupid and they just kept asking the same questions over and over again. And then getting all confrontational with the lame ass teacher. I just wanted to walk out. It turns out jon was super pissed too and also wanted to run out.
Then we got "cheese steaks," ugh. I am not sure what they are but calling them "Philadelphia cheese steaks" is so wrong. I think there was curry in the steak and there was like half a slice of AMERICAN cheese. WTF? The sandwich is supposed to make a GD mess when you eat it and there should be cheese gushing out of it! California style "cheese steaks" make me angry!
I am just feeling super crabby and angry. My jaw is all tense and shit. I guess this is the last surge of hormones preparing me for the big event. But shit. Am I suppose to anger myself through the birth?
Motu was rolling in something dead in the park and he was too far away for me to get to him. If there was a rock nearby I would have chucked it at him as hard as I could. I would have missed and I would have felt awful afterwards. But I would have done it.
He has been barking at the new neighbor who moved in below us everytime he opens the door. This has resulted in me almost blowing a blood vessel screaming at the dog to shut the fuck up.

MIL bitch:
So jon calls me yesterday in a hizzy. Apparently his mother is pissed at me because I didn't send her the link to the crib pics I put on flickr. I mean I sent them to someone. Who can remember such stupid shit? So jon's like "well she is going to call you so answer your phone." So I felt like I was in trouble - for the stupid pictures. *side note, mother in law did purchase said crib and wanted to see pictures of this crib. Whatever, why couldn't she just call me and tell me that she wanted to see the pictures. Or even better, send me an email? I was all nervous and worked up and then she never called anyway. Of course. Part of me wants her to call so that I know she has some vague interest, the other part of me wants to avoid avoid avoid.
And like a huge coward I ran home and sent her the link to the pictures and apologized. I have not heard from her.

You know what I don't need? This!

One good thing, Bonnie "Prince" Billy has a new album out, Superwolf and it is very nice to hear his voice.

First I Bitch

So the party that Jon's work threw for us was very nice. Being that they are a "design" office we got some baby Ugg boots. I don't like it when grown ups wear them but something about these little boots are too cute for words.

bitch #1
We missed the "important part" of the hospital tour. We saw the birthing rooms - it all just gave me a bad feeling. I just don't associate hospitals with good things. I mean the rooms are all private and very nice and they have jacuzi tubs in them. But I don't know, it is still very hospitally.

bitch #2
I was at PNYC and it was a private session again because everyone has either had their babies or they are lazy (and it was raining.) As a result I have become very tight with the yoga teacher. We talk about personal things and friends and relationships, it is nice. She was telling me about a friend of hers that is 2 weeks ahead of me, she was supposed to come to the class with her mom. Because her mom was out staying with her for like a month waiting for the baby and to be there for the birth and to help take care of them all. It made me intensely jealous. Like so much so that I couldn't really concentrate on my "practice." I want my mommy too! I just got off the phone with her and I wanted to ask her if she would come out for the birth but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. She has a real job in the medical profession, and really can't up and leave on a moments notice. And I am not really sure how that would work. I want my mom to come for a month and help me out. God that makes me sad.

bitch #3
this one is about the in-laws.
So my parents are coming out Dec 11th. It was arranged that jon's parents would come for xmas. So the MIL emails jon and tells him the dates they plan on being here, note only emails jon not me. They are coming the 23rd and leaving the 27th. Does that seem silly to you?
Now I am sure that is plenty of time for me. PLENTY. But they only want to see the grandson for 4 days? They are staying in a hotel up in Nob Hill and the SIL in coming too. I mean I know they have their own life. But, wouldn't you expect them to stay a week at least? Maybe I am wrong. Perhaps they have not received word yet that the world revolves around me and soon around my son (oooh that's weird I have a son.)

bitch #4
So jon's dad lives in MA still, and frankly, he is a sad sack. Jon's mom remarried and all that jazz. So the SIL calls up jon and says that for xmas she wants to fly their dad down to where she lives in the south, for a little visit. However "for xmas" really means like the first week of Dec. Because she is going to be here for xmas. And she is going to fly him down and she wants us to pay for his transport from his apartment to the airport and back home again afterwards - App $150. Now it is not the $.
It just seems so weird. The SIL is having her mother up for thanksgiving and they are not going to be around for xmas so the father just gets fitted in wherever it is convenient for her.
It seems like if they are going to fly the father anywhere it should be here to see the baby. (Again see above about the world revolving around me and my spawn.) However that would cause a huge problem, where would we put him. I don't really feel like spending all that $ to put him in a hotel. He can't really get around that well. He is EXTREMELY negative and well, unpleasant to be around. It seems like a weird situation to me, jon thinks it is perfectly normal. Since "the holidays are hard for him" I am not sure how this is alleviating any of the holiday blues for him. Since he is being marginalized to a period in early Dec. And I guess for "xmas" we are supposed to just send him a check so he can afford his taxi to and from the airport...
Ugh family, Ugh holidays.
yeah Baby!

Seriously comments or emails greatly appreciated, I feel my judgment is skewed due to my selfishness cocoon.

Check Up

Jon thinks Yoga is hysterical. Whenever my lower back is tense and I do Cat / Cow poses he laughs and laughs. He has taken to calling that lady iron chef Catcow as well as our med student is named Catcow Rodrigez. We found out today her last name, is not in fact Rodrigez, and we are just racists.

But #1 is in a low position and a little untrasound machine proved that he was in fact head down. I got to get my anus swabbed today, and really how often do you get to say that? It all took app. 2 seconds.

I was just awake last night. I fell asleep for like 40 minutes and then I was up for like 4 hours. This fact coupled with the gloriously dramatic San Francisco weather forced me to sleep until 12:30 and my dr app was at 1pm. Normally I would feel guilty about admitting that I slept until 12:30 but you know what? Inside of a month I will never sleep that long again so, know suck it. So I took a 14 second shower and was out the door in like less than 7 minutes. I made it to the appointment on time. We looked at the baby. My midwife told me that I have been having contractions this whole time and I just have not been feeling them. So I don't know. How can I not feel my entire uterus which goes from pubic bone to right below my bra contracting?

The med student, Catcow, measured my belly and then she petted it really sweetly and was like "so pretty." I have to thank my mother for these genes. I mean, I may have adult acne and wrinkles at the same time. But my belly is still relatively stretch mark free. Also I never thought I would be so happy to weight 207. That means I only put in 3 lbs in the last 4 weeks. And I was having my own private candy eating contest with myself, which I won.

Tomorrow Jon's work is throwing us a baby shower. So I get to eat and get presents. That is always cool. Then we have to rush to the hospital for our tour of the birthing facilities. And I have to vote. Wowser!

1 month and counting

As of yesterday we are exactly one month away from the arbitrary due date. Also I was exactly 36 weeks pregnant. So I am in my 9th month. Let's all wait a second to let that settle...

So Tuesday we went to our Breastfeeding class. It was cool. I feel like I have that little bit of extra confidence. Whatever. It seems like we are among the youngest people having kids here. Then again maybe knocked up teenagers just don't take breast feeding classes. Also, #1 already has a huge leg up. The people that are having babies are UGLY. I know that is unkind but, there are so many unattractive people having kids. yikes!

Then Wednesday I went and Saw Murderball, finally (go cooner!)
It was a good movie. I thought it was going to be all MTV the music was but the movie itself was really touching and inspirational. My favorite quote from the movie was "most guys in wheelchairs love to eat pussy." Awesome!

The we had our 3 hour birth class. Holy shit three hours is long! I am not sure that it was worth $100, but I am glad we are taking it. Otherwise I would have second guessed myself and been like - augh shit- I should have taken that birthing class.

Jon went to NYC for like 30 hours. He is back now, but he is at work. It makes me tired just thinking about traveling that much for a 2 hour meeting. So last night I did some wool felting. Pictures of the ugly things I made to follow. The wool top I bought is so lovely and delicious though...

Clever Observations

It seems that the most popular costumes in San Francisco this year were:
1. Sluts of all shape, size and flavor.
2. Dudes dressed like chicks.
3. DBs (aka Douche Bags)

Normally I would have my own photos but apparently some time between my afternoon nap and my PNYC, #1 "dropped." I have an immense pressure on my bladder that would not allow me to venture more than 20 feet from the toilet. I have to say that it is a relief to not have #1 in my rib cage anymore and the heartburn seems to have lessen, (or is that because I ate all the chocolate chip cookies?)This strange pressure that I am experiencing is, well, it's making me pee every like 15 minutes - no lie. But I was ok last night, only peeing my usual 5-6 times.

Otis, the evil cat, had one of his infrequent - yet terrifying seizures this morning. He has like an epileptic bout and drools and empties his bladder wherever he happens to be, which was the couch. So the couch has been peed on YET AGAIN. I think Jon is now the only household member that has not peed on this gross couch.
There were of course blankets and pillows that were caught in Otis's spray and so there are all these urine soaked items out on the porch.
Of course my landlord shows up and asks if I can move it, because he is showing the apartment below me. While I am at the dog trying to wrangle Motu from mauling my landlord with excitement - the recently recovered Otis is jumping all over the kitchen and knocks everything on top of the refrigerator on the floor thus making me unable to get back in the house because of all the shit blocking the door.
Erstwhile the city is cleaning out the sewers? And they have this machine that is making literally, the loudest noise I have ever heard. Have I mentioned how sensitive I have been to noise lately?

Somehow in the midst of all that shit. That I swear to god was happening simultaneously. I did not, I repeat, did not have a melt down.

Aren't you proud? I know I am.