You know it is a good weekend when you end it with a 911 call

All day Friday, the baby barfed and shat his way through all of our laundry. Come Saturday, still barfing and loose stooling everywhere. By Sunday, Jon was barfing, and I came down with it Monday.

Sunday night our Carbon Monoxide detector went off and it said to dial 911. I always obey my household appliances when they tell me to do things.
I called 911 and the baby got to see all the fire trucks of san francisco tear down our street. It was cool.

Until they made fun of me because I kept calling it the CO2 alarm. They told us to change the batteries and then I heard them grumbling.

The fireman that came to our call were HOT!
Even jon was a little afluttered by them, he was like "was it me of did that first guy look like Jake Gyllenhaal?"

Isn't it Ironic

So as the poster child for manic depression. I went on a fierce spending spree of money we don't have and bought these super fly jeans. I have a problem with denim. I literally spent more on these pants than my monthly car payments. (last time I owned a car was a long time ago, but granted...)
But you know what? I can fit into normal, snazzy jeans for the first time in two years so fuck it. They are Paige Premium Denim.
So yeah - I am wearing PPD jeans. It says it right on my pants!
jon and I laughed so hard about it when he pointed it out that I think we both started to cry, like for real... and then it turned into yet another serious discussion about 'what is to be done.'

So sorry family and friends no xmas gifts for you. I have PPD jeans!

Don't Call it a Comeback

So I have been on the anti-depressants for about 2 months.
And for a while they really seemed to be helping, like a lot. I thought the "bad time" was behind us. Then over the last two weeks I have "relapsed," I don't even know what the fuck to call it.
But I feel crazier than before.
So strange. I was feeling GGGGGRREEEAAAAATTTT! Making plans, showering, having dinner ready on the table. Actually able to accomplish things and not just dwell under a shitload of doubt, sadness, and fear.
Now I am at a deeper pit than I was. I am scared.
I want this to stop.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much shit our fucking insurance has put us through.

I am taking my meds, WTF?

I have an emergency visit with my shrink today. Since he is going on Holiday. And jon stayed home from work on Tuesday and now he feels stressed about his job.

So we are out here, crazy, alone and no job security. At least the weather is nice...

The Kims

There is nothing I can add to this tragedy. It has been written about beautifully all over the internet.

Their shop, Doe, is a few doors down from us. As a fellow Hapa family, we watched their family grow with interest. Our paths crossed on a very regular basis, but I didn't know them.

We were in the same restaurant as them when Penelope pooped in the toilet and announced it. James beamed and congratulated her. He was so sweet with his girls.

While waiting for him to be found, I couldn't look at the photos, it is too easy to replace my own skinny asian guy's face with his.
I cannot imagine those last hours, what could they have said to each other?

I know that in the same situation, we would do anything to save our kids. In this modern age when could we think that we would have to?

Kati you are in my heart...
Sabine and Penelope, your father was a great man.