Breakthrough

So last night I caved and gave baby his first binkie. The result: 6 hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep.
Tonight Jon is going to give him a (pumped) bottle and I may get another night of 6 hours (or dare I say more?) I can't get used to this though, I may feel almost human again.

In other awesome news, I was going to but one of these strollers that the car seat fit into because baby is too small to sit in his fancy stroller . So I have to stick his car seat on top of the stroller and it is a shitload of gear for me to manage by myself.
I was going to eat it and just spend the $50 bucks, and I thought let me just check craig's list again. And low and behold someone was selling theirs for $10. Can you even imagine how excited I am? So we went and picked it up. Now baby and I and Motu can stroll all over SF.

Fanfuckintastic.

One Month Old

So today the little elephant is one month old.
It is amazing what a month will do. He is laying in his crib staring at his mobile. I figure I have a few minutes.
Baby had his 1 month check up yesterday and he has put on 2 lbs. I can't figure out the math but 2 lbs in a month when you started at 7.10, seems impressive. They took some blood from him to check his bilirubin level. I couldn't stand to go in so I made jon. He said they prick his heel and just let it bleed into the vials that seems awful.

My in-laws were here for xmas. They stayed in a super fancy hotel, The Fairmont. I was duely impressed. They were both sick. MIL by the end of the trip would sneak into where the baby was and hold him. I told her I wasn't so concerned about the baby getting sick, but if we get sick we will be down for the count. I mean the lack of sleep and all that. She said, oh my god, I never even thought of it that way. Can you believe someone could be that selfish? I mean I can't imagine how bad it sucked not being able to hold your grandson but WTF? Give me a break. Jon was getting anxious as shit about the whole thing - oddly enough.

In other news, I have lost 20 lbs but I still look like a fat whale. I have also stopped bleeding and that is a relief. I loathe the maxipad.

Baby has diaper rash and baby acne. It is sad. I think this weekend we are going to try the bottle for the first time. Until now I have been pumping and exclusively breastfeeding him. He looks so cute when he is eating. He makes these little guppy faces and coos and is just the cutest. I feel like it is one time I know I am doing the right thing. The rest of the time who the fuck knows?

I keep kinda waiting for the PPD to set in. I mean I feel a general sense of what am I suppose to be doing and guilt but I think that is ok. In case you are new I am not the most emotionally stable girl on the block. Sometimes when I think of the foreverness of my new stature I freak out a little but I think it is like AA. One day or one hour or one minute at a time.

But like now what should I be doing with baby? He is alert and stuff. I feel bad leaving him to stare at his mobile, but he doesn't really seem interested in "playing" yet. Should I be shaking toys in his face anyway?
I read to him and he likes that and then we go for walks in the afternoon. I don't know. Any suggestions?

merry holidays

Talking Head

Brilliant Observation for today

Hemorrhoids hurt.

Luke Gabriel

Congratulations Maria.
Luke was born 12/17/05
2:42 am
7 lbs 3 oz
19 3/4 long.

welcome little man!

PEACE

Then we went home

It seems weird to be trying to recap this now that it is nearly three weeks later.

We were moved to the post pardom room which was smaller and cozier than the big birthing room. We tried to nap and relax but people were coming in every couple of minutes. The nurse that took over was a real bee-hatch. We had two unreal nurses in the L&D. In recovery we had one lame ass nurse, then the rest were swell. So we are hanging out bonding with baby who is getting cuter and cuter by the minute. They kept coming in to check the baby and my vital signs. Then some med student came in like 8 or 9 hours after delivery and gave me a vaginal exam. What the fuck? It hadn't been through enough?
I couldn't get baby to latch on and the breast feeding thing was really giving me a lot of adjida. The recovery room was pretty uncomfortable for jon, and we couldn't put the baby down. One of us was always holding him. Jon was sitting in the chair skin to skin with him. It is good for the bonding I wanted to take him so jon stood up and handed him to me. The blankets dropped away and we saw that jon was covered with what looked like chocolate syrup. Baby had pooped for the first time all over his daddy. It was hysterical. I thought I was going to bust my stitched laughing.

Anyway back to the bad stuff. So we alerted everyone that we wanted to leave. After we had been there one night and 36 hours. We were all ready to go home.

My midwife told me in the morning that if I was feeling up to it that I should just go home, since I would be more comfortable in my own environment and all that jazz. It was fine. Everyone was like trying to talk us out of it but not in a very serious way. Then at 5pm, we were planning on leaving at like 6. The resident from the nursery comes in and is all aggressive about us leaving. She was so mean. Saying she was concerned about how he hadn't latched on enough for them to be satisfied. I was like listen, we put the baby in the nursery for like 2 hours, so we could sleep, and when he came back in he had a pacifier in his mouth. We went through the roof. He was sleepy and there were a million interruptions so he was reluctant to nurse. She is like well if you leave today you have three choices, you can either bring him back tomorrow, get a home visit from a traveling nurse, or go to the pediatrician tomorrow. I was like we'll take the home visit. She leaves and comes back in like one minute, "I couldn't get you a home visit". Like the bee-hatch even tried! I was in tears by this time. Just fried from not sleeping and being in the hospital and all this shit. So we call our pediatrician and make an appointment.

This means that we had to take our 2 day old baby out into the world. Not to mention, I am out in the world 2 days after giving birth. Yikes!

But we finally get out of there.

The first night was rough. We all cried. I didn't know why the baby was crying and was just shot in general. After that it got better.

By Friday, my MIL was here. She cooked for us and cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. It was wonderful to have her here. She held the baby while jon and I slept.
She was great.

My parents left yesterday, it was a different story. But I think this one is long and boring enough.

Part II

Don't worry the rest goes quick:

The nurse was a freakin idiot. She put in my hepalock (sp?), that thing that put in your veins to take blood out and put drugs in. Then I asked her to draw the water for the jacuzzi.
She did and I got in, by now my contractions were through the freakin roof. I guess they were like 2 minutes apart or somewhere thereabouts. I yelled at jon to shut off the jets during the contractions because the pressure from within combines with the pressure from outside was just too much. The nurse asked me if I felt like I had to push, I evaluated the situation and realized yes I did have the vague notion of pushing. Little did I know what the "urge to push" really felt like. It is unmistakable.
So I got out of the tub and the resident is there. I got checked for the first time and I was 5 or 6 cm dilated. This was good news but I felt sure that I was closer. So I laid there in the bed. All my reading and research about active labor and different positions to try were all for naught. My contractions were right on top of each other. Somewhere in there the awful nurse was taken away and replaced with this unbelievably awesome nurse Lucy. She had such a dramatic impact on my labor I couldn't believe it. She was pissed at the lame nurse because I was supposed to sign all these papers. So I was like well have jon do it. She said she was really really sorry but I had to sign them. So I had like 15-30 seconds between contractions to try to sign these papers. I could have been signing anything. My signature looks very funny, now.
Then the urge to push was there. And shit I can't even describe it. So Lucy called the resident again and asked her to check me. The resident is all like, but I just checked her, and Lucy insisted. I was 8cm. This was "transition" the shortest and hardest part of labor. I think at this point I was crying and begging for drugs. They give me a shot of fentanyl, which did nothing. I wish I hadn't got it.
Somewhere in the labor haze a man walked in and asked me questions about allergies. I am trying to be cordial and he wanted to know if I want an epidural. Lucy is like 'she is 8 cm' the guy (who was the anesthesiologist) was all huffy like 'well when did she get here?'
At that point things get really fuzzy. I was checked again and there was just a cervical lip so I was almost there. I had been doing little panting breathes to try to resist the urge to push. Jon was keep ing my focus and breathing with me. There was very little I could do to stop my body from pushing. It was like I could hear each second pass. I was super aware but also in this labor zone. It was extremely primitive.
So the next thing I was aware of was the room filling with people. They are setting up the baby station. I felt like I was on alien autopsy. There was this bright light spotlighting between my legs and people in eerie masks with plastic face shields on them. Someone checks me again. Guess what? Getting checked hurts like a fucking motherfucker. The cervical lip is gone and it was time to push. It was tough trying to transition from holding and fighting the urge to push to finally be able to give into it. I am not sure how long I pushed - but I don't think it was 10 times. I don't think it took 10 minutes. I had my eyes closed the whole time. I felt him slip under my pubic bone. They said to reach down and feel the head. It felt super soft and slimy and warm. Then his head was out. They told me to pant again. Then his body was out. We asked them to hold off cutting the cord until it stopped pulsing. They pulled this grey bloody weird thing out of me and put it on my chest. They were suctioning him and rubbing him and he started crying. I just stared at him.
Then there was some serious craziness in the room. Apparently #1 came out with his left arm up by his head, superman style. Thusly I tore from here to eternity. There was a lot of blood. They gave me all these shots and the gave me an IV of pictocin. I was bleeding a lot. The resident kept fisting me and pushing really hard on my uterus from the outside. I was like what the fuck are you doing? I just had a baby! The shit they did to me afterwards was WAY worse than the actual labor process.
So the baby was born at 7:10. I held him for 15 minutes while they "worked on me." I was in so much pain that I was afraid I would drop the baby so I gave him to Jon.
They proceeded to sew me up for an hour! They kept having to give me more vaginal novacaine and the resident was telling the other resident to "take smaller bites" while she was sewing me. I asked her how many stitches, she said well we are doing a running stitch so it isn't like that. I asked her to guess and she said 20. Can you fucking believe that? Who gets 20 stiches? I asked her if I was a clock what time I tore at and she said 6. The fucking horror.

I have to stop now. I'll finish with the hospital (and how I was brow beaten by the staff) and then get on to the good stuff post pardom recuperation and breast feeding).
The baby is crying and I must feed him.

One week Old

It seems really surreal that the baby has been out for a whole week now. I have just been totally blissed out and enjoying life.

Birth Story pt I
11.28.05
1:19 pm.
My water breaks while I am at the computer looking up the times for the public pools in SF. I was hankering for a swim. I thought I peed my birthing ball, which is what I had been sitting on at the time. I looked at it and it wasn't yellow and it didn't smell like pee. They tell you to smell it so you can tell them on the phone.
Jon decides to come home even though I told him I was fine and was sure that the hospital was just going to send me home. He gets home around 3ish.
We go to the hospital.
They are not sure that my water actually broke so they have to do some test. They put me up in the stirrups and put the speculum in and fluid shoots all over the place, all over the resident and the floor. I start apologizing as if there is some way I can control it.

It is confirmed that it is fluid and I say I want to go home. When we got the hospital there were 0 contractions. I was feeling nothing. At some point, in the 3 hours it took to confirm I was leaking amniotic fluid, I started really super mild contractions.
They send the chief resident in to say all these scary things to me about how they want to admit me right away and that I really shouldn't go home and all these horrible like .0003% chance statistis of horror, of what I could do to the baby. I am adamant. I am going home. We get home around 7pm.
We walk a little but it is pouring rain out so we don't walk too much. Motu doesn't care for the rain.
We come home eat some dinner. The appropriately we watch the movie "Birth" with an elphin Nicole Kidman. It is a weird movie in which some inappropriate things happen.

My contractions are like 20 minutes apart then sometimes only once or twice an hour. I am thinking how I am going to have to be induced.

11/29/05

We watch Conan. I fall asleep around 1:30am.

At 1:54 I am woken up by a whole new type of pain. The "contractions" I thought I was having before had nothing on this pain. All the coping techniques I had read for pain were like, "don't try to escape the pain" Fuck that. I was literally running around the house trying to get away from the pain. I tried to distract myself with the internet and I have a little pad when I was writing down contractions. They were about 8 minutes apart and I was pretty sure I was dying.

I wake jon up at 3 am. "I am going to get into the shower and then I think we should go to the hospital. These here contractions are really intense. I need you to listen to me in the shower and make sure I am ok."
Jon says ok. And promptly goes back to sleep. In the shower I am in a world of pain and start to panic that the contractions are really coming on fast and furious.

I wake jon up again.

I am past the point of talking. Jon is asking me questions and I can't answer him. We go and get our friend kelly's car, who btw is a saint and was awesome about letting us commandeere her car for the next two days.

Her car is literally 4 doors down from us and I am not sure I am going to make it.

Jon is asking me directions to get to the hospital and hitting every bump on the road. I am feeling slightly nauseous. But do manage to remark on how cliche it is to be making the 4am dash to the hospital with the distinct possibility that the baby will be born in the car...

We get to the hospital and I am praying for a wheel chair. But it is 4 am. There is no one there but the night guard. The way UCSF is set up, the L&D floor is like 1 mile away. You have to walk this infinite hall to the elevators and then take the elevator to the 15th floor.
I get to the 15th floor and they immediately put me in the deluxe birthing suite. It is a corner room with really nice view of the bay and the bridge but it was 4 am and none of this was to be seen.

I get this idiot nurse who is bumbling and trying to put this girdle thing on me for the monitors. I yell at her that it is too tight and I need the little belt things, she is like oh, ok.

Part II to follow...

New Arrivals

Sorry for the long delay.
Birth story to follow but for now just the stats:
Baby E
11/29/05
7:10 am
7 lbs 10 oz
19 1/2" long
no epidural
400,000,000 stitches.

He is a clone of his father, and about the most terrifyingly beautiful thing in the world.

Back at Home

So we are back at home - AMA.
I am still leaking fluid so I guess it is more of a slow leak than an actual gush. Even though there is quite a bit of gushing. It is like a freakin slip and slip down there. There is a serious amount of fluid in there FYI.
The hospital does not inspire confidence. Jon and I had to show the med student how to work the blood pressure thingy because we were playing with it, we knew, and they took my temp as we were leaving and it was 98.4 and the dr asked if that was Fahrenheit or Celsius?!?!?
My contractions started in the hospital while we were there. If they don't pick up considerably they will induce us tomorrow at like noonish.
So that is the update.
-contracting, leaking and blogging in San Francisco

whoosh

I think my water just broke.
off to the hospital after I shower, walk the dog, and eat some lunch.
They didn't say I should come in right away...

Weirdness

I have this strange feeling of weirdness. Like almost a dizzy feeling. I am going to see how it goes and then maybe call jon in a little while if I don't feel less weird.
My blood pressure was elevated yesterday at my appointment and it has been "good" the whole time. SO perhaps that is the culprit for my light headed feeling. Maybe I should take a nap, I have been awake for 3 1/2 hours, now and I already made a meatloaf.
I made a meat loaf for dinner tonight. And maybe it was being on my feet and being over a stove and stuff. I don't know. I just ate a whole bunch of grapes to maybe make me feel better.

I really want to see the Harry Potter movie.

Ready and Willing

Hormones are a weird and powerful beast.
I have to say that I am continually impressed with my bodily functions.
We went to the midwife today and I asked her if she was going to do an internal exam to see if I was dilated or if my cervix was ripe and squishy. She said - no, there is no reason to mess around up there all it will tell us is what it is right now - there is no future indication of the when.
So we are smack dab in the midst of the unknown. At any moment the process could begin and our lives will be changed forever. But as of right now, I just have heartburn.
We are in the middle of a heat wave. It has been hot and sunny. This is not beneficial to a woman who is carrying around 40 extra lbs. I am no longer disclosing my weight because it is upsetting. I get tired walking up the stairs. I have to sit down in the shower.
In other news, we were knocked out of seeing Harry Potter this weekend by a mass of adolescents. It was sold out for hours. We ended up going to Kiehl's and buying cute stuff for the baby. Then we went to the grown up theater and saw Capote. Philip Seymour Hoffman was fantastic. He should get an Oscar nod at least. You totally forget he is not Truman Capote. However when you go out to see Harry Potter and then you end up seeing Capote, there is really no hope. What can I say?

My fedex package showed up on Sunday. Isn't that weird? So my little meltdown was for naught and now I have my diaper liners and my little baby mirror. Hurray!

My beauty product plugs for the week:
In case you care thismakes my hair look so beautiful I can't stop brushing it and admiring the luster...
Also this stuff has all but erased the crows feet from around my eyes. Unless of course it is all this extra fat that has pooled in my face, but either way, no wrinkles around my eyes!

Think of me if you will while I make my husband engage in forced sex and nipple stimulation until #1 arrives!

"Are there any techniques I can try myself at home to get my labor going?
Yes, but none of them have been proven consistently effective, and some aren't safe to try at home. Here's the scoop on some do-it-yourself techniques you may have heard about:

• Nipple stimulation. Twisting or pinching your nipples releases your own natural oxytocin. A few studies have found it to be effective in getting labor going within 72 hours if your cervix is already ripe, but the method has not been well studied. And you shouldn't try it at home because it can sometimes cause prolonged contractions that could stress your baby and depress his heart rate.

• Sexual intercourse. Having sex won't induce labor, but it can't hurt to try! Semen contains some prostaglandin, and having an orgasm may stimulate a few contractions."
-http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/173.html

"Natural Ways to Induce Labor
If the medical methods of jump starting labor sound a bit off putting, there are a number of home remedies for inducing labor naturally when you are past your due date. But remember: none of these remedies will start labor unless you have already begun to dilate. However, some methods can help you to tone and soften your uterus.

1. Eat spicy foods or pineapple.

2. Go for a walk or march up some stairs. This is thought to bring on labor because of the pressure of the babyÂ’s head pressing down on your cervix. At the very least, walking can help get your baby into a better position for labor.

3. Have sex. A favorite for many pregnant women, sex can help by releasing a hormone called oxytocin, which causes the uterus to contract. Additionally, semen contains a substance known as prostaglandins, which will help soften the cervix.

4. Nipple stimulation. For those who find sex just too uncomfortable right now, nipple stimulation may be a better choice. It helps to bring on labor in much the same way sex does, by releasing oxytocin. However, this method may take a bit more effort than sex to start labor."
-http://www.pregnancy-info.net/labor_inducing_labor.html

When New Yorkers say 'fuck you' they mean 'have a nice day' when Californians say 'have a nice day' they mean 'fuck you.'

Seriously-
Incident #1
I was at Trader Joe's totally spacing out in front of the various sauces and things not even looking, just staring through them. Eventually I turn around after taking my sweet time and there is this woman glaring at me. Staring daggers at me. What the fuck? So I said, oh I didn't hear you say excuse me. Why get all pissy and passive aggressive? Say fucking excuse me like a normal impatient person.

Incident #2
I get on the bus yesterday and it was really crowded. The bus driver yells, 'Somebody let her sit down.' nobody moves they all just stare at me, unmoving. So she yells again, 'I ain't moving this bus until she gets a seat.' Finally some guy gets up. Unreal though, who could just sit there with a 9+ month pregnant woman wobble around on the bus. People in NYC may be assholes, but I never saw a pregnant woman standing on the subway. It is called fucking manners.

38 Weeks Today

I could literally "go" anytime.

Today is my Pepere's Birthday. He would be 99 today if he was still alive. That is a little crazy. We are giving #1 part of the same name as my Pepe. He will also have the same first two initials. I guess my Pepe didn't like his original first name and so he switched it with his middle name. I guess you could just do that; well, he did. So #1's middle name will be his original first name. Which I think is a very nice name, obviously. Are you confused yet?

We had our last birthing class last night. We totally ditched out early to go and get cheese steaks. We went to a different place, but it was still no "Philly Cheese steak."

There was this couple last week who were being so annoying. They were bitching and kinda taunting the instructor, the ones I wanted to two-foot kick to the neck in fact. It turns out that the day after our class the lady started leaking fluid and so she ended up having the baby 7 weeks early. Do you think that is Karma? They are all OK but the baby will be in the hospital for at least a month. It makes me feel awful for them. Even if they were tools, no one deserves that.

Someone stole my FedEx package yesterday and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. Whoever stole my baby mirror and diaper liners I hope you are having fun with them, Fuckface!

These hormones are RAGING. I cried when I found out that my package had been stolen.

Manic Mood Swings Rule!

Lies and the Reality

Remember the post where I bragged about not having stretch marks?
Apparently, I lied, they are just hiding, on the underside of my belly. I will spare you pictures but I just wanted to clear that up.

Don't Cry

So, I was invited to dinner by a friend who is going to cooking school, this past Saturday. I was so psyched. We are going to leave and Jon says, um aren't you going to put some make-up on or something. I was thinking, jesus I must look like shit. So I go and pretty myself up a bit and we walk to my friend's house.
We get there and it is a surprise baby shower for me! How do I react to a surprise party? I cry. What an asshole. I just couldn't stop. I couldn't believe people cared enough to have a party for me. So I was stuffed with delicious treats and some very sweet gifts.
It was lots of fun. I have never had a surprise party before. All the participants then bragged about how sneaky they were to arrange the whole thing. It was so sweet.
I can't believe Jon was able to keep a secret!

In other news as of tomorrow we are in the baby window. Anytime from November 15 to December 15. I am sure that we will go near the end. We have never been early for anything.
I also had a couple of contractions this weekend. And I saw my pipe dream of a natural childbirth fly out the window, like so much smoke. Holy shit. Contractions fucking hurt! These weren't no Braxton-Hicks "practice contractions." So I don't know, obviously I will keep you posted.

I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS OR SOMETHING

We had our second birthing class last night. Result I wanted to two foot kick this one couple in the neck. They were so stupid and they just kept asking the same questions over and over again. And then getting all confrontational with the lame ass teacher. I just wanted to walk out. It turns out jon was super pissed too and also wanted to run out.
Then we got "cheese steaks," ugh. I am not sure what they are but calling them "Philadelphia cheese steaks" is so wrong. I think there was curry in the steak and there was like half a slice of AMERICAN cheese. WTF? The sandwich is supposed to make a GD mess when you eat it and there should be cheese gushing out of it! California style "cheese steaks" make me angry!
I am just feeling super crabby and angry. My jaw is all tense and shit. I guess this is the last surge of hormones preparing me for the big event. But shit. Am I suppose to anger myself through the birth?
Motu was rolling in something dead in the park and he was too far away for me to get to him. If there was a rock nearby I would have chucked it at him as hard as I could. I would have missed and I would have felt awful afterwards. But I would have done it.
He has been barking at the new neighbor who moved in below us everytime he opens the door. This has resulted in me almost blowing a blood vessel screaming at the dog to shut the fuck up.

MIL bitch:
So jon calls me yesterday in a hizzy. Apparently his mother is pissed at me because I didn't send her the link to the crib pics I put on flickr. I mean I sent them to someone. Who can remember such stupid shit? So jon's like "well she is going to call you so answer your phone." So I felt like I was in trouble - for the stupid pictures. *side note, mother in law did purchase said crib and wanted to see pictures of this crib. Whatever, why couldn't she just call me and tell me that she wanted to see the pictures. Or even better, send me an email? I was all nervous and worked up and then she never called anyway. Of course. Part of me wants her to call so that I know she has some vague interest, the other part of me wants to avoid avoid avoid.
And like a huge coward I ran home and sent her the link to the pictures and apologized. I have not heard from her.

You know what I don't need? This!

One good thing, Bonnie "Prince" Billy has a new album out, Superwolf and it is very nice to hear his voice.

First I Bitch

So the party that Jon's work threw for us was very nice. Being that they are a "design" office we got some baby Ugg boots. I don't like it when grown ups wear them but something about these little boots are too cute for words.

bitch #1
We missed the "important part" of the hospital tour. We saw the birthing rooms - it all just gave me a bad feeling. I just don't associate hospitals with good things. I mean the rooms are all private and very nice and they have jacuzi tubs in them. But I don't know, it is still very hospitally.

bitch #2
I was at PNYC and it was a private session again because everyone has either had their babies or they are lazy (and it was raining.) As a result I have become very tight with the yoga teacher. We talk about personal things and friends and relationships, it is nice. She was telling me about a friend of hers that is 2 weeks ahead of me, she was supposed to come to the class with her mom. Because her mom was out staying with her for like a month waiting for the baby and to be there for the birth and to help take care of them all. It made me intensely jealous. Like so much so that I couldn't really concentrate on my "practice." I want my mommy too! I just got off the phone with her and I wanted to ask her if she would come out for the birth but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. She has a real job in the medical profession, and really can't up and leave on a moments notice. And I am not really sure how that would work. I want my mom to come for a month and help me out. God that makes me sad.

bitch #3
this one is about the in-laws.
So my parents are coming out Dec 11th. It was arranged that jon's parents would come for xmas. So the MIL emails jon and tells him the dates they plan on being here, note only emails jon not me. They are coming the 23rd and leaving the 27th. Does that seem silly to you?
Now I am sure that is plenty of time for me. PLENTY. But they only want to see the grandson for 4 days? They are staying in a hotel up in Nob Hill and the SIL in coming too. I mean I know they have their own life. But, wouldn't you expect them to stay a week at least? Maybe I am wrong. Perhaps they have not received word yet that the world revolves around me and soon around my son (oooh that's weird I have a son.)

bitch #4
So jon's dad lives in MA still, and frankly, he is a sad sack. Jon's mom remarried and all that jazz. So the SIL calls up jon and says that for xmas she wants to fly their dad down to where she lives in the south, for a little visit. However "for xmas" really means like the first week of Dec. Because she is going to be here for xmas. And she is going to fly him down and she wants us to pay for his transport from his apartment to the airport and back home again afterwards - App $150. Now it is not the $.
It just seems so weird. The SIL is having her mother up for thanksgiving and they are not going to be around for xmas so the father just gets fitted in wherever it is convenient for her.
It seems like if they are going to fly the father anywhere it should be here to see the baby. (Again see above about the world revolving around me and my spawn.) However that would cause a huge problem, where would we put him. I don't really feel like spending all that $ to put him in a hotel. He can't really get around that well. He is EXTREMELY negative and well, unpleasant to be around. It seems like a weird situation to me, jon thinks it is perfectly normal. Since "the holidays are hard for him" I am not sure how this is alleviating any of the holiday blues for him. Since he is being marginalized to a period in early Dec. And I guess for "xmas" we are supposed to just send him a check so he can afford his taxi to and from the airport...
Ugh family, Ugh holidays.
yeah Baby!

Seriously comments or emails greatly appreciated, I feel my judgment is skewed due to my selfishness cocoon.

Check Up

Jon thinks Yoga is hysterical. Whenever my lower back is tense and I do Cat / Cow poses he laughs and laughs. He has taken to calling that lady iron chef Catcow as well as our med student is named Catcow Rodrigez. We found out today her last name, is not in fact Rodrigez, and we are just racists.

But #1 is in a low position and a little untrasound machine proved that he was in fact head down. I got to get my anus swabbed today, and really how often do you get to say that? It all took app. 2 seconds.

I was just awake last night. I fell asleep for like 40 minutes and then I was up for like 4 hours. This fact coupled with the gloriously dramatic San Francisco weather forced me to sleep until 12:30 and my dr app was at 1pm. Normally I would feel guilty about admitting that I slept until 12:30 but you know what? Inside of a month I will never sleep that long again so, know suck it. So I took a 14 second shower and was out the door in like less than 7 minutes. I made it to the appointment on time. We looked at the baby. My midwife told me that I have been having contractions this whole time and I just have not been feeling them. So I don't know. How can I not feel my entire uterus which goes from pubic bone to right below my bra contracting?

The med student, Catcow, measured my belly and then she petted it really sweetly and was like "so pretty." I have to thank my mother for these genes. I mean, I may have adult acne and wrinkles at the same time. But my belly is still relatively stretch mark free. Also I never thought I would be so happy to weight 207. That means I only put in 3 lbs in the last 4 weeks. And I was having my own private candy eating contest with myself, which I won.

Tomorrow Jon's work is throwing us a baby shower. So I get to eat and get presents. That is always cool. Then we have to rush to the hospital for our tour of the birthing facilities. And I have to vote. Wowser!

1 month and counting

As of yesterday we are exactly one month away from the arbitrary due date. Also I was exactly 36 weeks pregnant. So I am in my 9th month. Let's all wait a second to let that settle...

So Tuesday we went to our Breastfeeding class. It was cool. I feel like I have that little bit of extra confidence. Whatever. It seems like we are among the youngest people having kids here. Then again maybe knocked up teenagers just don't take breast feeding classes. Also, #1 already has a huge leg up. The people that are having babies are UGLY. I know that is unkind but, there are so many unattractive people having kids. yikes!

Then Wednesday I went and Saw Murderball, finally (go cooner!)
It was a good movie. I thought it was going to be all MTV the music was but the movie itself was really touching and inspirational. My favorite quote from the movie was "most guys in wheelchairs love to eat pussy." Awesome!

The we had our 3 hour birth class. Holy shit three hours is long! I am not sure that it was worth $100, but I am glad we are taking it. Otherwise I would have second guessed myself and been like - augh shit- I should have taken that birthing class.

Jon went to NYC for like 30 hours. He is back now, but he is at work. It makes me tired just thinking about traveling that much for a 2 hour meeting. So last night I did some wool felting. Pictures of the ugly things I made to follow. The wool top I bought is so lovely and delicious though...

Clever Observations

It seems that the most popular costumes in San Francisco this year were:
1. Sluts of all shape, size and flavor.
2. Dudes dressed like chicks.
3. DBs (aka Douche Bags)

Normally I would have my own photos but apparently some time between my afternoon nap and my PNYC, #1 "dropped." I have an immense pressure on my bladder that would not allow me to venture more than 20 feet from the toilet. I have to say that it is a relief to not have #1 in my rib cage anymore and the heartburn seems to have lessen, (or is that because I ate all the chocolate chip cookies?)This strange pressure that I am experiencing is, well, it's making me pee every like 15 minutes - no lie. But I was ok last night, only peeing my usual 5-6 times.

Otis, the evil cat, had one of his infrequent - yet terrifying seizures this morning. He has like an epileptic bout and drools and empties his bladder wherever he happens to be, which was the couch. So the couch has been peed on YET AGAIN. I think Jon is now the only household member that has not peed on this gross couch.
There were of course blankets and pillows that were caught in Otis's spray and so there are all these urine soaked items out on the porch.
Of course my landlord shows up and asks if I can move it, because he is showing the apartment below me. While I am at the dog trying to wrangle Motu from mauling my landlord with excitement - the recently recovered Otis is jumping all over the kitchen and knocks everything on top of the refrigerator on the floor thus making me unable to get back in the house because of all the shit blocking the door.
Erstwhile the city is cleaning out the sewers? And they have this machine that is making literally, the loudest noise I have ever heard. Have I mentioned how sensitive I have been to noise lately?

Somehow in the midst of all that shit. That I swear to god was happening simultaneously. I did not, I repeat, did not have a melt down.

Aren't you proud? I know I am.

Making a Silk Purse Out of a Sow's Ear.

So here is the picture of the worst ruined little baby item. And that is after an overnight soak with Tide, bleach and hydrogen peroxide. Oh well. Maybe I can dye it later.
Also since his little onsies were all grey and blueish. I figured I would further customize them! I am sure that I could be cruising for a lawsuit if the wrong people saw these. But maybe not, since I don't plan on selling them or anything.
They came out so cute though. I would be lying if I said I was not highly pleased by them. We like Miffy.

Oh and not the size of a whale? I do declare...

Happy Halloween Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

So this weekend we went (along with the rest of San Francisco) to the Hunter's Point Ship yard Open Studios. It was pretty cool. We bought a book for #1, and got it signed by the artist.
The art was cool. A lot of the artists put out little spreads and stuff so I basically ate my way through open studios. Especially mini snickers and 3 3 Musketeers®. YUM, I love candy!
Then we came home and did some home improvement. We hung up my pictures. So now my apt is covered in my own art. Does it get vainer than that?

Jon put some wire baskets in the closet and we actually got rid of one of our last packing boxes. Yes we moved a year and a half ago so what? You wanna fight about it? I got to revisit a bunch of clothes that I won't be able to wear for a long time. Sigh...

We dressed Motu up for Halloween. He was humiliated and it was so cute...

meltdown #17

I am the size of a whale.

I just washed a load of the baby's clothing. Something bleed and now everything that was fresh and white is blueish or greyish.
I wish I could say that I was not extremely distraught, because that is foolish, who cares if his cute little onesies are now dingy looking? He won't know the difference.
I feel like I am already failing as a mother. I can't even wash fucking clothes.

Jon is in Minneapolis and I was very upset when he called. He had obviously been drinking and that just annoyed me more. I don't know why, I mean he is a grown up and should be able to drink if he wants to. But his response is, "Don't worry about it, we can just buy more." He has no idea that some of these items were gifts or that his next two paychecks are already spent. As in - Gone. He is the breadwinner but he has no idea about our $$$ situation.

I think Motu has an ear infection because he keeps scratching it and it smells sweet. On the upside I have been taking cold-liver oil for #1's brain, and Motu likes the pills so I give him one too. His coat has never been so gleaming. People remark about it all the time.

Also I have heart burn.
Ugh I really can't deal.

oh yeah, no problem at all adjusting...

who's crib?

yeah this is going to be an easy transition-
poor litttle bastard isn't going to know what hit him...

To Doula or not to Doula

So yesterday I went to this place because they are a really good doula resource apparently. I really didn't know what to think. I knew there would be binders where doulas wrote down their experience and training and shit. And I was guess I would learn a little more about fees. I am not sure what I expected in the fee department. I know that I didn't expect to see prices that ranged from $800-$1800 smackers. I think I gasped a loud. That seems like an assload of money. So basically I am rethinking the doula thing right now. I mean, a thousand bucks? I could get the drugs, since insurance covers that but not the doula, and then go to Palm Springs or Tahoe with the baby and have a nice little vacation and try to deal with my disappointment.

My friend had a baby in the same place we are having #1. She got her bill it was close to $40,000 to have her baby! holy fucking shit people.

We set up the crib last night. It is the cutest thing. I had no idea the profound effect seeing the crib would have. I put all his little toys in there. Don't worry - I know, no toys in the crib, he could jam them in his mouth and suffocate. But they look so cute in there...for now.

More Photos

Here are the photos from my open studio.

I didn't have to get my anus swabbed today

So that is always a good thing. We won't do the group B strep test until my next appointment.

We had a different midwife today. She was really cool she turned out to be my med student's (see how she is "my med student") instructor. So the med student, Courtney, got to feel where the baby was. My med student Courtney (mmsC) is so super sweet and like a little bundle of energy. She also is the oldest of 2 brothers and one of them is named Kevin. Isn't that weird?

My weight is an enormous 204 but hey I am growin' a baby in here, and he likes them chocolate chip cookies!
So #1 is head down and back up. So he is probably kneeing me in the rib cage, and that is the source of tenderness.

I am coming out about wanting to have this baby naturally. I was a little timid feeling that if I was all "I am woman hear me roar and I am doing it without drugs." And then afterwards had to confess that during labor I totally wussed out and in fact I had all manner of drugs I could get in my body, I would be disappointed with myself and as a result my huge blog fan base would also be disappointed with me. But there I said it. I am committed to trying to do this naturally. I know you are shaking your head and saying "we'll see sister."
I am even considering having a doula. (that is how much of a hippie I am!) A doula is basically a birth coach. And according to this article is more beneficial to the mother and baby. I love jon dearly, but I know that if I am in pain and begging for drugs jon is going to cave. However, if there is someone there that we both trust who is like well, kristen why don't we get in the shower, or just get through this contraction then we can talk. The chances of my doing this sans drugs through the transitional phases is much more likely.

So we have to really decide about the birth plan and asking them not to offer me drugs. I have always had terrible willpower about being offered drugs and being unable to say no.

Also who knew there was this huge debate about vitamin K which is routinely given to all new borns at birth. Do I need to tell you that I think we are not going to let anyone stick #1. Especially unnecessarily...

Here I Go Again

So I had a lovely visit with Sarah. It was too short and that is always the mark of a wonderful time - the guest leaves you wishing they were staying longer.

I started battling a cold on Thursday. So I have been feeling crabby and shitty lately which put me in a great mind set for my "art show."

Which was this weekend. It was a rousing failure. But you know what- I put my shit out there and so whatever. It was a little vanity project for me, but sometimes you need that. I will post pictures at a later time. I had to stand for several hours for two days in a row. So now I am lame and achey as shit. I am even thinking of bailing on yoga today. But I will probably go. I mean all we do is "cat" "cow" anyway. My feet are flat. But the woman I did this little show with sold all kinds of stuff (well 3 items) and I was trying not to be jealous but I was.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. Does anyone want to play guess my weight? I am guessing 207. jon won't play, he is so smart.

And I have acquired a first-year med student who is participating in this "You teach" program (I am birthing at a teaching hospital). In which I get to teach her. Isn't that wonderful? She is a baby, 22. But she will one day be a Dr. And that is cool. So I get to meet her tomorrow. She sounded as cute as a button on the phone. I hope she is. Because I am going to have to look at her for all the rest of my appointments and she is going to be in the delivery room if I want her there.

Tonight is a full moon. I am going to take my camera out, if I can remember. It has been unspeakably beautiful the last few nights.

yeah I know boring.

Columbus Day, what exactly are we celebrating again??

So I went to the acupuncture Friday. All the other clients were men with various stages of HIV. I guess it was cool (the acupuncture, not the dudes with HIV, that didn't look right). I don't know if I would go back.
I mean I am pregnant, my lower back is just going to hurt, I should just deal. Afterwards I was like, so I just paid $60 bucks for what? To sleep and keep waking myself up with my own snoring? So that was that.

My dear friend Sarah is coming in to visit tomorrow for a few days. I am so excited to have a little friend come and visit. She is flying down from Oregon. I am a little worries I am going to be a giant bore. I get tired so easily and can't really walk too much without becoming a doddering old woman who groans when getting up or sitting down.

We went and saw Corpse Bride yesterday. The animation was stupendous, the story, well, ehh.

I also bought tons of frames for my arts - they look so fancy. I feel like I will be considerably less embarrassed this weekend. I am going to try to get a couple more pieces done before Saturday. We'll see.

I know Perineal Massages are supposed to be very helpful. But good lord they sound scary. I don't think I could possibly get my fingers in "deep" like they suggest, I am having trouble wiping my ass.

When I go to the Midwife next week I am going to have to be tested for Group B Strep. It sounds gross.
I hope I don't have it.
They refuse to mention where it comes from...

I had a dream that Jon confessed to going to a prostitute while he was traveling. It was a mighty blow to my bloated body and ego even in dream form.
14.29 Stones of fatitude.

Scary outfit

So I know the face looks scary there. But trust me it is better than my actual face that has morphed into a fat blob of dough. It is abhorrent to me, I feel like crying.
However the point of this entry is to illustrate the problem with maternity clothes. If you notice I am wearing some chartreuse pants. With a striped polo shirt and my gross Birkenstocks actually match the color of my pants.
Now I am not sure if the problem is that I am wearing the pants, they there were ever made or that I bought them. Who cares if they were 5.99 at Old Navy there is a reason for that!
Also, none of my pants actually go to the floor. They are all "cropped" because you want to show off your canckles apparently?
So I am dressed like an Easter egg. Or a child.
Is there anywhere to buy cute maternity clothes that are not costly?
I guess an H&M is finally opening here at the end of October. Whatever.
I don't care if I am having a baby I am a fat cow and I look ugly. There is no "glowing" here.

I went and got acupuncture today but I am in too crappy a mood to discuss now. And also I was dressed like this. This is a legitimate outfit for me. I ain't in NYC anymore baby!

Hormonal Dreams

So J and I were living in this tiny little studio apartment. We were POOR. Like we were always hungry and trying to scrape enough money to buy rice and shit.
It seemed like J's birth father lived with us. He was this old Asian dude who I guess didn't speak. He would dance with me and he cooked rice.
My mom was there too and she was playing with "the baby" however "the baby" was one of those toys that was made of plastic and crawled and then turned its head to one side cried and then crawled some more. Actually very similar to this.
Everyone seemed to be fine with pretending it was the baby. Ooing and aughing over it.

Nutter Butters Rule!

Too Many Things

Does this ever happen to you? You have like 40 things you would like to do, and yet you find yourself writing book reviews for Amazon

I woke up feeling a little under the weather today - but that is neither here nor there.

I am doing this SF Open Studio thing the second weekend in October. I am going to display my pastels. Most of which are posted on my flickr account. So I have been working feverishly to try to make some stuff look presentable and not totally embarrassing. But of course I am feeling nervous and stuff. Oh my god people are going to look at my stuff. I mean there is a serious likelihood that no one will show up. The woman I am doing this with thinks we need to price our stuff. Umm I don't think so. If anyone actually wants to live with any of my stuff I would be really pleased and may just give it to them...Except then not.

I don't know. SO I am nervous about that and as a result instead of getting my shit ready to frame or whatever. I am knitting and reading and messing around.
But I finished the scarf I made for my MIL and a little hat that I made for #1 but it looks really big. Although if you look at his daddy he is probably going to have a big head but hopefully not that big.
I'll post pictures in a bit to procrastinate further...

Friendship Breakup

Breaking up with friends is weird. When your friends try to get back together with you it is even weirder. Allow me to share a little story with you, and by little I mean long and drawn out and potentially boring.
In high school I had this friend, let us call her Joy for argument's sake. We were all friends, we hung out and participated in self-destructive teenage girl behavior. In 8th grade or so (I am a little foggy about the specifics of the relationship)she started dating this senior. Now this sounds cool. But in fact it was not. This guy was NOT cool and well he was grey(and he was way into Star Trek TNG). However she did get to go to the senior prom in 8th grade.
So I don't know, maybe they dated for a while, then stopped.
Somewhere along the way, Joy got forbidden to hang out with us (because of afore mentioned self destructive behavior) and turned back to the "chorus people" and back to the grey man.
So I don't know - flash forward to college and she moved to Boston for a while. I am not really sure what happened here, I know she "spread her wings a little bit." But then she left Boston after a year and returned home. Got re-attached to the man o' grey. And was engaged at 19 or 20. They got married a couple of months after she graduated from college. And she is 29 now with a kid in kindergarten.
So that is that for the backstory,
Now let me take you to last summer.
Jon and I had a little BBQ to send ourselves off to California. Joy, husband and kid come. She has told me in not so many words that she wished she had waited to get married and have kids and I am sure (IMHO) she is a woman who lives with many regrets. I may be wrong but that is kinda what I get from her. Also her husband is Creepy. Yes with a capital C.
So that was the last time we saw her. When we moved out here I sent out change of address cards and shit. I prefer to communicate through email. I don't like the phone. I know I put my email on the COA card. I didn't hear from them, ok whatever. I send them a holiday card and tell them about Maria's baby and stuff. Nothing. So I am like fuck 'em.
When jon and I were home and we had our little baby shower many people asked where Joy was because she was sort of a fixture at those MA things. I guess we had a falling out, I said. Fine. I mean, you know, you grow out of people at some point, maybe. I wasn't losing sleep over it.
So then maybe 2 weeks ago, I get a phone call from the husband. Thank God I am psycho and screen all my calls. He says they moved into a new house and wanted to make sure we had the info, and to call him back, yeah, um no.
Then this week I get a card from Joy, in the mail. And it is like this "I'm-sorry-we-broke-up" card. It shows two little cartoon figures fuming at each other and then the next one apologizing and a "let's be friends again" inside. And saying that Maria's baby must be big by now.
I am torn how to reply.
At this point I feel like they missed too much. Also at no point was I aware we were fighting. I don't want to tell them about the babies mine or Maria's 2. I don't feel like they deserve to know. Isn't that shitty and selfish of me?
I could respond and be like,
"hey guys I wish nothing but the best for you and your family, but let's not kid ourselves. There is no friendship here. Take care of yourself and be happy and well"

Then the other part of me wants to just ignore it and pretend we moved.

I guess I really don't want anything to do with them anymore. I mean history can only go so far and they both have a selective memory about things. And I think one of the reasons Creepy wants to be friends is that he thinks we will be swinging with them at some point. Excuse me while I barf.

So I don't know. Does anyone have any advice or any similar experience. I think by my inaction I have already decided.

Why do I even care?

playin'

Weird belly shots

Now playing Madeleine Peyroux Careless Love
A really beautiful jazz singer who sounds like Billie Holiday, except she is white and recorded this album in 2004. I am quite impressed...

So y'all can see my giant belly.

I have been having weird powerful dreams about an x-bf. I keep hearing this is normal but it is disturbing...

Still hot here, still not doing too much. J comes home Saturday. I have calculated that he has escaped about 6 weeks of my pregnancy. That really doesn't seem fair somehow.

Hot

Holy shit it is Hot here. I am not sure that it even hit 80 today let me check...
So I guess it was 80 here. But it often doesn't get that hot. I am sweaty and miserable feeling. Does this stop me from eating? No. Does it stop me from eating the mozzarella cheese that I am pretty sure is giving me intestinal distress? No.

I was trying to order some diaper covers because all of my current diaper covers are newborn and good until about 10 lbs. When do babies get to be 10 lbs? After a little research - it seems that it can be somewhere like 6 weeks to 2 months; of course depending on how big the baby was at birth. But the babies goal is to double its birth weight by 4 months. I did not know this and thought y'all should know too.

Is it weird that I am getting weepy thinking that they really do grow so fast?
I am 31 weeks today. The last week of my seventh month. It really seemed like it has flown by - even though I have been pregnant for most of this year.
The baby will put on like 2 lbs this month, doubling the 2 lbs he weighs now.

Maybe is the heat and my extra sweaty right pit.
I am feeling weird and weepy.

I was listening to Ben Folds Five song "Gracie" and I was bawling! bordering on sobbing.

If anyone is looking for a clutch puss rock album, allow me to recommend Nada Surf's Let Go
They are playing here October 21st. Can I still go to shows 34 weeks pregnant?

Random Inquiry

Does one of your armpits sweat more than the other?
My winner is the right.

Also as a side note:
I think #1 kicked a man who was sitting too close to me on the bus today. Is it possible to be that sassy in utero?
The man was shocked. It was a good kick.

I have been published

San Francisco Chronicle Letters to the Editor Sept 26, 2005

I am at the very bottom of the page. I do sound rather stupid but oh well.

Dare to Look at this Salad

I made this. Notice the tiny little pickles, they have a fancy name that I think starts with a C.
BEHOLD!
I also made a vinaigrette out of EVO, vinegar, lime juice and grey poupon.
Look what watching the cooking channel makes me do...
Salad Nicoise!

We actually went out last night

So jon and I actually went out last night. We left the house at 10:30, this is unheard of for me at this stage of pregnancy but, there I was.
We went to go see one of our favorite live bands, Mono. They are so freaking good I think this is the 4th time I have seen them. If you are into Japanese, experimental, noise of the tightest, most controlled caliber, this is a band for you to see live. Even if you aren't and you just want to see some crazy Japanese kids rock out HARD - again go see them. You can't help but be so present in the music and the moment, it literally envelopes you and raises the hairs on your arms.
Here is there website. I HIGHLY recommend that you see them if they come to your area.
They really rock.
They were prefaced by a decent band The Drift, which is a side project of one of the dudes from Tarentel. I was under the impression that you had to have something happening with your real band to have a side project but I guess I was wrong...

The second band that played was freakin horrible. And they were loud. Good thing I am a true old lady and brought my ear plugs. Because my shit would have been ringing. It seems the message from this band is well the louder we play the more people won't notice how bad we suck. The only reason we didn't leave during their set was we would have lost our plumb seats, and mama needs to sit down...

While at the show I began to worry about the potential hearing damage I was inflicting on our son. He really liked the show though, or he hated it, because he was dancing around like crazy. I guess people are not used to seeing big fat preggos at shows cause peeps were getting their stare on. Like shit what am I supposed to do stay home and hide myself away simply because I am a vessel of life? No dammit, revere me! I'll be doing plenty of staying home shortly.

So it was fun and then today just a little while ago Jon left for Korea and Hong Kong. Just a week though, he'll be back next Saturday.

If anyone feels like calling me; this is the week to do it.

peace out

Maybe Not too Bad

So three exciting things happened since last I wrote,
1) we went out to eat at this fancy restaurant with Jon's cousin's partner. We call him Butters because well, he is exactly like what Butters would be like if he ever grew up. He is hilarious and weird, he gets real nervous and then buys like hundred dollar bottles of wine. I ate like a cow!
I had these yummy squash blossoms filled with dungeoness crab and cheeses. Then I had this amazing tomato salad that was literally four slices of tomatoes with house made mozzarella, salt, olive oil, vinegar, and basil. It was $12.50. Ha ha.
Then I had Kobe beef steak and then I made the table order three desserts so we got bananas foster, this triple chocolate mousse thing, and a fig and blueberry tart. It was fantastic! I also had a glass and 1/2 of wine and was feelin fine. Well, until I slept 'till like one today. What a light weight I have become...

2) I got a fan letter from AZ, from someone I don't even know and am not related to. People are reading my blog, VALIDATION. Thanks KR.

3) I wrote this letter to the San Francisco Chronicle, which is the big newspaper out here, about how I think we should all vote no on Prop 73, and they are "considering it for Mondays publication"

This is Prop 73-------

"Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Terminating of Minor's Parents. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.
-Amends California Constitution, prohibiting abortion for unemancipated minor until 48 hours after physician notifies minor's parent/legal guardian, except in medical emergency or with parental waiver.
-Defines abortion as causing death of the unborn child, a child conceived but not yet born.
-Permits minor to obtain court order waiving notice based on clear, convincing evidence of minor's maturity or best interests.
-Mandates various reporting requirements.
-Authorizes monetary damages against physicians for violation.
-Requires minor’s consent to abortion, with certain exceptions. •
-Permits judicial relief if minor consent coerced."

I sort of forgot what I wrote in the letter and I am pretty sure that I will sound like an illiterate ass-wipe. Maybe it went like "i think kids should get them abortions if theys wants too cause well, sex is fun, and you shouldn't have to be punished for havin a bit o fun."

We'll see if it is accepted and then my house gets fire bombed.

Jon leaves tomorrow...

Shameless Product Plug

This stuff rules for clearing up my chip-eating, chocolate-ravaged, face.
Kiehl's is excellent stuff.
I am in the process of ordering this for #1 Stunna.

Even I am starting to feel bored with myself.

Here are some things that are not boring.
1. RITA
2. My awesome one of a kind boppy cover, if you don't know what that us educate yo'self.
3. Watching the first two seasons of Six Feet Under, like I am addicted to it. Wait that is boring.

Maybe I should make a list of things that are obsessing me that are incredibly boring.
1. We finally decided what crib to get, it is this one, isn't it the cutest? In white.
2. My eternal, teenage-like, malaise. I had to fill out a "mood questionnaire" at my last check up and I think I failed.
3. I hit 200lbs at my last check-up as well and I can't help but feel like bawling every time I think of it. No wonder my knees creak like haunted floor boards every time I walk up stairs. Also no longer a mystery why I feel like I am going to pass out when I do get to the top of those stairs, my heart is probably on the verge of exploding...
4. Also Jon is leaving again on Saturday. It is not going to be a fun week in my head.

bitch and moan

Favorite Website

Don't buy a book without this website: FetchBook.Info

Anxiety

So Jon is in lovely Paris, called me slightly tipsy and saying Bonjour and Oui oui over and over again. And telling me about the delicious mashed potatoes he had that were at least 50% butter. He is going to come home with the gout.
p.s. you don't call you pregnant wife and tell her about all the amazing food you are eating. All I care about is food. I want Jon to only bring back eatables from Paris and cadbury chocolate from London specifically Wispa candy bars. And lots of them.
While in Yoga today all I could think about was food. There is this ice cream place called Mitchel's in SF and they make their own iced cream and to say it was delicious would be the understatement of the day. YUM. However, it would be an app. $30 cab ride round trip to get to said parlor. I am going to try to beg one of my car having friends to have mercy and take me there.
Usually when Jon is away I don't allow myself to pine away for him until a day or so before he returns. I started pinning yesterday. I miss him.
Plus I signed up for all the baby classes today. A breastfeeding class and the childbirth class. That gave me major adjida (sp), like holy shit this is really really happening. Now I am all anxious because the childbirth class goes from Nov. 2 to Nov 16, what if I go into labor early (because that happens so often with first babies) and I don't get to finish the class and I don't know how to have the baby!
AUGH! ok not going to happen. I was sort of thinking of not even taking the class as noted by an earlier post.
There is this new show on TLC called Bringing Home Baby and it is all about the first few days home with the baby. So this girl was like 20, her husband who was app. 12 was in Iraq, and she had the baby while he was away. So the girl moved back in with her family. The mother on the show was like "oh my god how do two people do this with an infant." So I cried and felt bad for myself and determined that I would be incapable of taking care of the baby without my mother to help me (she will be here from Dec 10-17 though).
Then I remember my dear friends Francesca and Maria both intelligent capable women who were able to manage. I think of them and I feel better.
I can do this. I think.
I mean 14 year olds do this. I can do it. It is just bad without Jon here to laugh at me and tell me we will be fine...

Their Eyes Were Watching God

So I just finished reading this book, by Zora Neale Hurston. It was an incredibly powerful book. This was the first African American feminist novel. And oh my the language is wonderful. "An envious heart makes a treacherous ear" was one of my favorites.
There is a big hurricane disaster in the end of the novel and I just couldn't help but think of Katrina. Isn't it weird, I'm reading a book written in the 1930's and it is so applicable and even parallel to what happened last week.
Just goes to show how everything literally revolves around me, how I was meant to read this book just at this time.

How I Know I am Super Impressionable

We get home from vacation, I pick up the daily pregnancy journal to see what happened to the baby in the last week. It says, "mother may experience nose bleeds due to increase blood volume" I wipe my nose on the back of my hand like I do because I am an animal and I kid you not torrential nose bleed. This is maybe the 3rd or 4th nosebleed I have had in my life. Granted, I had just gotten off a 5 1/2 hour plane ride so it isn't that weird but it was weird that I read about nosebleeds and then instantly had one.
Example #2
I have just entered the THIRD TRIMESTER, like....Now. And the pregnancy books say, expect the tiredness of that first trimester to reappear, with gusto.
BANG! I am sleepy and lazy and lethargic. I don't want to get out of bed I don't want to walk around. I want to lay still and have books read to me.
This is now impossible as Jon is just now taking off for a the next week for Europe. All alone till Saturday next...

Dumb De Dumb Dumb Dumb

Here we are at our baby shower.

I really enjoy being pregnant. Really, much more than I thought I would. It is magical and all that shit to feel the baby moving around and watching my body change. What I don't like is how GD stupid I am. Honestly, I can't remember words, names, dates, anything. Things that I knew like the back of my hand I now can't remember. Having a conversation with me is boring and long winded. This is what the beginnings of dementia must feel like. I know the words or names that I am searching for are in this cobweb brain of mine but getting to them is a long and arduous trek. There are important things going on in the world. Katerina, and the aftermath being one, the new chief justice being another. However, I cannot communicate on any sort of meaningful level.
Please refer to this very smart news blog for any sort of pertinent info. Please refer to my blog for information about my boobs, my bowel movements, and how stupid I am.

Today is the first day of my third trimester. In roughly 10 weeks, give or take, we will be holding {gods willing} our little boy. However 40 weeks, no matter how you cut it, is 10 months my friends. Don't believe the lies.

Hill Billy sex ed

I am back from the East Coast. More on that later, maybe.

I was looking up "rib tenderness" "seven months pregnant" (as of tomorrow) since #1 has been booting me in the right ribs for the last week or so. this site came up.
It is from the UIC, but the questions are either from 12 year olds or hill billies. Please note the cameltoe slide. Which in a new one for me, kids these days...

It is sad and amusing at the same time. Actually, upon further investigation, it is just sad. Are these questions the direct result of the conservatives in the government who don't want to spend money on sex education?

Recognized

Today I was recognized by a stranger as a pregnant.
It was the lady (her name is My)that waxes my eyebrows, "you have baby?" She was very pleased when she heard it was a boy.

Staying Fat

I got yelled at today by our vet, Dr Wong. Motu has been growing at an exponential rate. My little Boston terrier who was supposed to max out at 22lb is now a whopping 34.6 lbs. What a porker!

So I am not sure how we are going to try to smuggle him onto the plane. But I think I will just cry if they try to put him in cargo. I mean who can deny a crying pregnant woman?

SO he got his rabies vaccine and a distemper shot. Very exciting and $68 dollars later...

I have been having terrible insomnia lately. Part of it has to do with traveling, I am a nervous traveler, part of it has to do with my MIL, who I think I am going to start referring to as "she who will not be named," She is that bad. Part of it has to do with my consistent heartburn that trades off with weird late night allergies to keep me up.

re pregnancy: It is weird to feel sexual and yet unappealing at the same time. I mean my actual body looks kinda beautiful. Gentle swelling of my belly and just soft roundness everywhere in my breasts and fanny (hee hee). But as far as feeling like this could be appealing to anyone (specifically my husband) I am thinking, not so much. I feel proud and kind of amazed at my body.

I just went to the grocery store because I NEEDED some of those Hostess cupcakes, the black ones with the white squiggle frosting and some green peppers. But then the cupcakes were like $3.99, WTF? and the little debbie version was 10 for $10. I only got one box, but when did hostess cupcakes get so expensive. However, when I think of it, I guess I have never purchased them or priced them out before.

I Passed!

I passed my glucose test. Which I celebrated with a shot of honey and downing a $.99 bag of Doritos.

On my way to Walgreens there were two teenagers sitting on a stoop and as I walked by they said tauntingly, "jizz for sale, jizz for sale" I had just walked like 2 miles in search of the fancy cat food, for well, the GD cats, which seems to be out of stock on the west side of SF. I was in no mood, I was on a quest for Meow Mix (the McDonald's of cat food.)
"Look. I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, I don't need any jizz for purchase or otherwise." They laughed, not in a good natured, appreciative way, but in the way kids laugh at the one kid in high school who's parents don't own a TV - maliciously!

Size

k: Do my breasts look bigger?
j: (eyes widen slightly) um yeah...they are huge.
k: what were they before?
j: they were big.
k: what are they now?
j: huge.

Poor Choices

Perhaps eating 1 1/2 lbs of red grapes and then like 2 cups of Spanish rice before PNYC was not a good idea.
It gave me immense pleasure to eat grapes while I read The Grapes of Wrath (because I am such a GD literalist.) Which was such an awesome book I want to become a high school English teacher so that I can make teenagers read this book. Ask me when I read a 500 page book that was not about a hot teenage wizard that fast...
Those of you know that have read the book, maybe not such a great book for a pregnant to read.

PPNYC

So I made Jon come with me to this Partner Pre-Natal Yoga class on Sunday. It was really a terrible class. But something I found interesting was that the hugely pregnant women were doing headstands. The room was tiny and crowded and at one point when I was in triangle pose the lady teaching the class hit me in the head with her ass. What the hell? I have another free pass for this class so I think I may go back, you know since it will be free. It is the opposite of my other PNYC, where we dance around and chant, this one was kind of hard core. The teacher kept trying to move my legs and getting me to lift higher, stretch farther all that business...Jon was really not into it at all. He was so cute in the class though and I love him for being forced to come.

Yesterday was my glucose test and another visit with the midwife. I was so concerned about getting the timing right to drink the drink have my appointment and then get the timed blood drawn but it was so not a big deal, there was nothing to panic about. The orange drink was really gross though. But #1 liked it and he kept kicking in the place where the midwife was trying to listen with a Doppler.

Less than two weeks until our visit east to see the parents. We are bringing out large little dog and I am having nerves about fitting him under the seat of the plane. We'll see.

I have been invited to do an open studio with a woman I met in my art class. I think I am going to do it. It will be my last creative hurrah as a non-mom. However this means I actually have to do some painting and see if I will actually have anything to show to people...

Jon and I rented a movie that was actually scary, The Nameless. It was Spanish.
It gave me the nightmares.

I have been having these crazy dreams. I feel like it is a kind of This Is Your Life type dreams. People I haven't thought of in a decade are all of a sudden very meaningful in my dreams. What does that mean?

glutinous green tea ice cream! 

Who wants green tea ice cream? I never liked the stuff and now I can't get enough... 

Green Tea Ice Cream

When I don't have clothes on I look super pregnant. See below for ugliest underpants ever...
Which I guess I should since I am 6 months today. Has it just flown by for you too?
But with clothes on, unless I wear those horrible tie under your boobs shirt (of which I have several,) I still look dumpy. So those undies are the grossest thing known to man. But I have to wear the huge ones because otherwise #1 kicks the crap out of where the underpants are touching him.

I am going to MA for the last week of August to try to experience some real summer. I bought myself a onesie. It doesn't seem fair that one piece outfits are not cool for adults. Perhaps due to their awkwardness while trying to use the loo.

I just finished reading Truman Capote's Other Voices, Other Rooms. What an excellent book. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love the southern writers.

I went swimming yesterday and afterwards I was aching for some green tea ice cream. I went to a little ice cream place and got two scoops. Yeah that was not enough. The pool is right near Japantown and so I went to the market. You can see what happens when you take, craving + inability to make decisions = $12 worth of green tea ice cream.

Does green tea ice cream have caffeine?

Hands Down - the most humiliating thing about pregnancy is the underwear... 

Miss Teen USA

Last night jon and I were watching Miss Teen USA (yes the fun never stops around here.)

I happened to say "MISS TEEN USA" really obnoxiously and perky they way they said it on tv about 8 times per minute. Motu jumps up and starts getting really excited. Jon and I laugh, then motu spins around 6 times and relaxes again. jon says "MISS TEEN USA" Motu freaks and starts trying to crawl inside jon's mouth hole. We are laughing away.

Now we just have to say "MISS TEEN USA" and the reaction from the dog is hilarious.

I went back to bed today at like 11am, (well, excuse me, I had been awake for 2 1/2 hours and I was sleepy.) Motu was on the couch and I wanted him to come to the bed so I could snuggle him, so I said rather softly, "MISS TEEN USA". He was there within a minute.

Oh it is a laugh a minute here!

There is no doubt

I am a bit of a pseudo-hippy. I eat organic foods (when possible), I recycle, I live on Haight St in SF,I have dubious personal hygiene. I am planning on BF and using cloth diapers part time(hopefully).
That being said, can I say how much I love the book Spiritual Midwifery
These ladies are serious hippies! They are not faking the funk like me. I highly recommend this book and I am forever indebted to Francesca for suggesting it. I think I am going to pick up Ina May's Guide to Childbirth as well. Could it be as good and inspiring and hippified?
It makes me not fear birth since it is "groovy" and "psychedelic". Hell, you may even get stoned off the good vibes. I also like that on "The Farm" (the commune) when a woman goes into labor too soon, like her seventh month or something, they encourage her to throw back some booze to relax the mother and stop the contractions.
#1 has been moving around like crazy, even jon has gotten to feel him a couple of times.
I am curious does anyone have any opinions on child birthing classes? Useful? Worth $150?

ugh

you know they forgot to mention the heartburn.
yes perhaps it would be lessened if I didn't eat chocolate chip cookies at 11:30 and then immediately lay down.
fuck you delicious chocolate chip cookie.

Some pictures you may or may not find interesting

Motu Wearing Panties

the Sock Monkey I made

Motu and Jon at the Marathon

Cutest baby thing

There are some other pictures please peruse.

There are no pictures of me because my ass is sticking out in direct proportion to my belly. NOT PRETTY.

The baby is moving around like crazy.
I am 23 weeks. I guess this is the last week of my fifth month. It is surprising how confusing determining how pregnant you are is...

Ketchup

It has been a while and there is a lot to cover so bear with me.

A) #1 Stunna has been break dancing like crazy. Jon even felt him on Saturday and that was very exciting. He now likes to go to sleep with his hand on my belly. While that sounds sweet it really leaves a sweaty hand print on my belly. But that was big news. Usually he moves around at night. But yesterday during PNYC, every time I got into child pose he would give me a good kick, so precious.

B) We saw the movie Rize over the weekend. It was real cool, if you have a tiny art house theater near you I saw go and see it. It is all about Krumping. If you love the dancing this is a weird/cool documentary. I am not saying it is without its flaws, but well worth seeing.

C) The San Francisco Marathon was here on Sunday. I cried through it. It makes me very emotional, testament to the human spirit and whathaveyou...

D) Although this probably should have been B) I am now the 3rd most pregnant in my PNYC. No it is not a competition, but it is. Except I am NICE to the ladies who are in their 18th or 20th week, smiling and the like. I mean there were only 5 of us in the class.

E) I thought the new Horny Potter book was very lame. Did this stop me from "reading" it compulsively (by reading, of course, I mean downloading it off the internet and listening while I knit.)Am I eager for the last book? You betcha.

F) Really was July like 4 seconds long for anyone else? Practically non-existent?

G) For those of you who I have told this story to already, I beg your pardon. But it is really my best story and I need to have it memorialized on the blog.
I have started swimming. I am a water baby at heart and since, in theory, it is summer (can I say how much I love SF again!) I am swimming at a public pool. I was in the changing room after a particularly vigorous swim. They keep the locker room a balmy 90 degrees, you know to promote spore growth. So I was standing there naked trying to dry off enough to get my clothes on. This herd of 10 or 11 year old girls come rushing in chattering and giggling and come into my aisle of the locker room. Where they stop dead in their tracks, all bumping into the backs of the girls in front. They turn and RUN away, but not before one of them said, EWWWWWWWW. Apparently I am not the pregnant goddess I suspected...

I am so GD boring... 

21 week explosion. You can see the sock monkey I am making on the lamp. 

Mothers Support Group

They are gutting the apartment below me so I have to blast music while they rip down walls? It is hard to concentrate while blaring Bright Eyes, he is one of the princes of puss rock though. So I apologize if this post is even more disjointed than usual...

Last week, I responded to this ad on Craig's List (no, I will never learn) calling for new mothers, trying to conceive, and pregnants, who are not registering for baby's first Range Rover, who will not have a nanny, blah blah blah. You know regular not rich people. So there were emails exchanged and the lady I, was really nice. She was just pregnant and we were going to get together and talk about pregnancy. I get this email from I telling me she started bleeding and things were not going well. In the end, she lost the baby. Now she was the organizer of this things and I was all like well I guess that is over for a while but, I still wanted to get together.
Last week I met I and another lady for dinner. The other lady had a 20 month old. It took me literally 5 minutes to stick my foot in my mouth. I was asking me about the ultrasound. And I told her it was a huge relief to see the baby and no I hadn't killed him by sleeping on my stomach. UGH! There was stark silence. There is no way to recover from such an asinine insensitive thing. We all just stared at our food. I pretended my French fries were the most interesting things I had ever seen. I am renewed with a sense of shame as I write that. Perhaps the ugliest thing about it was that I picked up the check after very little protestation from either me or the other lady.
I was fairly quiet after that. But not the other lady, oh my god what a know-it-all. And all of you know that I like to be the only know-it-all in the room. Granted she has the child she has been through labor and delivery yeah blah blah blah. And I truly valued her opinion in certain things. But most of all I wanted to razz my tough at most things she said, 'cause you know what? It is your opinion, not the word from on high. She was judge-y McJudgerson on all things from breastfeeding to the circumcision, to cloth diapers to hygiene. It was obnoxious. She did not breast feed, she said it was because she is on medication but even if she wasn't she wouldn't. She was the one that laughed at my idiocy about cloth diapers. They both made a face when I said I was having a midwife. The other lady was like 'please tell me you are having him in a hospital,' well yes I am but, plenty of people are not and you are judging them too? Cripes - these are all such personal decisions - sure, offer your opinion, but man, don't hate!
I need to find a more earth, mother, supportive support group.
FYI -
-I love my midwife, she will sit with us for 2 hours if we wanted to. She is patient and cool and realistic. I LOVE HER.
-No we are not going to circumcise #1 Stunna. We are not of the Hebrew Nation. (mmmm Hebrew nationals...)
-I am really going to try with the clothies, yes they are gross and extra work and stuff. I am trying to be realistic and maybe I will do it twice and never do it again but, shit can I make my own mistakes?
- I am going to breastfeed. How long? Can't tell you, again trying to be realistic...

Short list of things I DO NOT want to hear about:

1)Your last boss's wife losing her baby in the 8th month because the cord wrapped around its neck.
2) "You are going to have a horrendous delivery because you are having such an easy pregnancy." (This is helped by using a devilish tone and you can tell the person (MIL) is tenting her fingers while saying it.)
3) Your niece's plumber's babysitter actually knew the Pettersons so - WATCH OUT!
4) Your cousin whose child chewed off part of her nipple while breast feeding.
5) How much you pooped on the delivery table.
6) "You are crazy if you think you are going to use cloth diapers." This is especially helpful if you have a) never tried cloth diapers or b) are laughing while saying it like I am an idiot. Can I get a little support?

Cutest baby item so far...jon got it in hk.