Part II

Don't worry the rest goes quick:

The nurse was a freakin idiot. She put in my hepalock (sp?), that thing that put in your veins to take blood out and put drugs in. Then I asked her to draw the water for the jacuzzi.
She did and I got in, by now my contractions were through the freakin roof. I guess they were like 2 minutes apart or somewhere thereabouts. I yelled at jon to shut off the jets during the contractions because the pressure from within combines with the pressure from outside was just too much. The nurse asked me if I felt like I had to push, I evaluated the situation and realized yes I did have the vague notion of pushing. Little did I know what the "urge to push" really felt like. It is unmistakable.
So I got out of the tub and the resident is there. I got checked for the first time and I was 5 or 6 cm dilated. This was good news but I felt sure that I was closer. So I laid there in the bed. All my reading and research about active labor and different positions to try were all for naught. My contractions were right on top of each other. Somewhere in there the awful nurse was taken away and replaced with this unbelievably awesome nurse Lucy. She had such a dramatic impact on my labor I couldn't believe it. She was pissed at the lame nurse because I was supposed to sign all these papers. So I was like well have jon do it. She said she was really really sorry but I had to sign them. So I had like 15-30 seconds between contractions to try to sign these papers. I could have been signing anything. My signature looks very funny, now.
Then the urge to push was there. And shit I can't even describe it. So Lucy called the resident again and asked her to check me. The resident is all like, but I just checked her, and Lucy insisted. I was 8cm. This was "transition" the shortest and hardest part of labor. I think at this point I was crying and begging for drugs. They give me a shot of fentanyl, which did nothing. I wish I hadn't got it.
Somewhere in the labor haze a man walked in and asked me questions about allergies. I am trying to be cordial and he wanted to know if I want an epidural. Lucy is like 'she is 8 cm' the guy (who was the anesthesiologist) was all huffy like 'well when did she get here?'
At that point things get really fuzzy. I was checked again and there was just a cervical lip so I was almost there. I had been doing little panting breathes to try to resist the urge to push. Jon was keep ing my focus and breathing with me. There was very little I could do to stop my body from pushing. It was like I could hear each second pass. I was super aware but also in this labor zone. It was extremely primitive.
So the next thing I was aware of was the room filling with people. They are setting up the baby station. I felt like I was on alien autopsy. There was this bright light spotlighting between my legs and people in eerie masks with plastic face shields on them. Someone checks me again. Guess what? Getting checked hurts like a fucking motherfucker. The cervical lip is gone and it was time to push. It was tough trying to transition from holding and fighting the urge to push to finally be able to give into it. I am not sure how long I pushed - but I don't think it was 10 times. I don't think it took 10 minutes. I had my eyes closed the whole time. I felt him slip under my pubic bone. They said to reach down and feel the head. It felt super soft and slimy and warm. Then his head was out. They told me to pant again. Then his body was out. We asked them to hold off cutting the cord until it stopped pulsing. They pulled this grey bloody weird thing out of me and put it on my chest. They were suctioning him and rubbing him and he started crying. I just stared at him.
Then there was some serious craziness in the room. Apparently #1 came out with his left arm up by his head, superman style. Thusly I tore from here to eternity. There was a lot of blood. They gave me all these shots and the gave me an IV of pictocin. I was bleeding a lot. The resident kept fisting me and pushing really hard on my uterus from the outside. I was like what the fuck are you doing? I just had a baby! The shit they did to me afterwards was WAY worse than the actual labor process.
So the baby was born at 7:10. I held him for 15 minutes while they "worked on me." I was in so much pain that I was afraid I would drop the baby so I gave him to Jon.
They proceeded to sew me up for an hour! They kept having to give me more vaginal novacaine and the resident was telling the other resident to "take smaller bites" while she was sewing me. I asked her how many stitches, she said well we are doing a running stitch so it isn't like that. I asked her to guess and she said 20. Can you fucking believe that? Who gets 20 stiches? I asked her if I was a clock what time I tore at and she said 6. The fucking horror.

I have to stop now. I'll finish with the hospital (and how I was brow beaten by the staff) and then get on to the good stuff post pardom recuperation and breast feeding).
The baby is crying and I must feed him.