before
after
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Hair
Let me start off my saying how attractive my husband is. He is so handsome and as the years have passed he has come into himself and just gotten better and better looking. He still gives me butterflies when he walks around the apartment scantily clad. Then I feel guilty that I have become such a pig, compared to the girl he met 12 years ago. At the end of my pregnancy I was in fact twice the girl he met, almost. I say to him "well at least I have a good personality right? And you love me for what's inside?" And because he is smart and sweet he says "I love you for what's on the inside and outside." OK so that is established...
I HATE it when jon grows his hair out. I think it looks stupid and ugly and I say as much to him. If he said anything remotely approaching how mean I am about his hair to me I would melt into a puddle on the floor and cry for days.
The two major breaks in our relationship have happened when he had long hair. I t just looks awful. He touches it non-stop when it is long. Always shaking his head to see his bangs and pulling in the back to see how far around his neck it goes. In an hour I bet, no lie, he would touch his hair like 75 times. I can't stand it, it is like a narcissistic tick.
It makes his head look gigantic. It makes him look like some kind of refugee. We were watching this special on the Tiananmen Square Massacre and jon has the same hair as all the student activists in 1989, men and women. As a Korean man, he has beautiful, thick, black, shiny hair. However, when it gets any length to it, it hangs around his face like a heavy curtain of grease and gross. It hides his remarkable jaw line and handsome face. Are you getting the idea of how much I hate his hair long? Because I could go on, and probably will...
Perhaps the worst part of it is how cool he thinks he looks. He listens to too much brit pop trash and he thinks his hair looks all mod and shit. I feel a little embarrassed for him a) that he thinks that is cool and b) that he cares that much about being cool. He thinks someone is going to ask him to join Babyshambles or something.
You know when you see people with terrible unflattering 80's hair or that terrible Eastern Block red dye job, and you think "oh that poor person, they don't have any one who loves them to tell them how bad they look." That was jon. It wasn't like it was styled just shaggy and unkept and ugly.
I hated it so.
So this weekend I threw my substantial weight around. Pouting and moping and being generally short and bitchy. Every time jon would ask me what was wrong I would say, "your hair." In reality it was/is a combo of IV (more on that saga) and mild depression, whatevs.
By Sunday he made the app. And by 6 pm my handsome husband was back. When he walked in the door I believe my words were "bestill my heart." I used a BJ as a bargaining chip and jon cashed in.
Then he tells me how he spent $100 including tip and product on his hair. He gave the woman who told him his hair looked like Don Ho a $32 tip because "she gave me a really really good haircut." By the time he got home from work Monday, he told me he was going to shave it off. I said, "you shave off your $100 haircut and I am going to punch you in the face." I probably didn't mean it but have you ever heard of such a thing?
He was despondent all night last night. It was really too bad he ruined my day because I had a wonderful sweet day with baby. He wouldn't look at me or address me unless it was baby related.
He refused to eat and pouted all night because "now he looks like every other Asian guy" I personally don't see the advantage of being known as the Asian guy with ugly refugee hair, but that is just me.
Then he drank 1/2 a bottle of wine and was all jokey like he hadn't spent the previous hours acting like a child. Well I didn't drink and I remember him acting like as ass.
It hurts, He was the only adult I talked to yesterday and he thinks it is ok to punish me for having him get a haircut?
The problem is bigger than hair or alcoholism here. I know it is probably hard work being good looking all day. Maybe I am lucky to be dumpy to the point of invisibility.
I don't want Jon teaching our son to be vain. I don't want our son to distance himself from his Asian-ness. Unfortunately, jon has bought into the ignorant, Anglo "all Asians look alike" bullshit. He resents looking like one of 'them'. Has it ever occurred to him that a lot of Asians sport a similar haircut because it is flattering to their hair-type or features? Or the fact that there are like 4 haircuts that white dudes have?
I am certainly not saying that surfing the wave of main stream America is easier. I am just saying it is lame to look like an asshole on principal because you want to look 'different.'
I want our son to know it really doesn't matter what is on the outside (as long as I approve), you can look however you want (as long as you are not my husband.)
Am I being as asshole? If you knew your mate HATED your hair would you change it? I know I would.
I HATE it when jon grows his hair out. I think it looks stupid and ugly and I say as much to him. If he said anything remotely approaching how mean I am about his hair to me I would melt into a puddle on the floor and cry for days.
The two major breaks in our relationship have happened when he had long hair. I t just looks awful. He touches it non-stop when it is long. Always shaking his head to see his bangs and pulling in the back to see how far around his neck it goes. In an hour I bet, no lie, he would touch his hair like 75 times. I can't stand it, it is like a narcissistic tick.
It makes his head look gigantic. It makes him look like some kind of refugee. We were watching this special on the Tiananmen Square Massacre and jon has the same hair as all the student activists in 1989, men and women. As a Korean man, he has beautiful, thick, black, shiny hair. However, when it gets any length to it, it hangs around his face like a heavy curtain of grease and gross. It hides his remarkable jaw line and handsome face. Are you getting the idea of how much I hate his hair long? Because I could go on, and probably will...
Perhaps the worst part of it is how cool he thinks he looks. He listens to too much brit pop trash and he thinks his hair looks all mod and shit. I feel a little embarrassed for him a) that he thinks that is cool and b) that he cares that much about being cool. He thinks someone is going to ask him to join Babyshambles or something.
You know when you see people with terrible unflattering 80's hair or that terrible Eastern Block red dye job, and you think "oh that poor person, they don't have any one who loves them to tell them how bad they look." That was jon. It wasn't like it was styled just shaggy and unkept and ugly.
I hated it so.
So this weekend I threw my substantial weight around. Pouting and moping and being generally short and bitchy. Every time jon would ask me what was wrong I would say, "your hair." In reality it was/is a combo of IV (more on that saga) and mild depression, whatevs.
By Sunday he made the app. And by 6 pm my handsome husband was back. When he walked in the door I believe my words were "bestill my heart." I used a BJ as a bargaining chip and jon cashed in.
Then he tells me how he spent $100 including tip and product on his hair. He gave the woman who told him his hair looked like Don Ho a $32 tip because "she gave me a really really good haircut." By the time he got home from work Monday, he told me he was going to shave it off. I said, "you shave off your $100 haircut and I am going to punch you in the face." I probably didn't mean it but have you ever heard of such a thing?
He was despondent all night last night. It was really too bad he ruined my day because I had a wonderful sweet day with baby. He wouldn't look at me or address me unless it was baby related.
He refused to eat and pouted all night because "now he looks like every other Asian guy" I personally don't see the advantage of being known as the Asian guy with ugly refugee hair, but that is just me.
Then he drank 1/2 a bottle of wine and was all jokey like he hadn't spent the previous hours acting like a child. Well I didn't drink and I remember him acting like as ass.
It hurts, He was the only adult I talked to yesterday and he thinks it is ok to punish me for having him get a haircut?
The problem is bigger than hair or alcoholism here. I know it is probably hard work being good looking all day. Maybe I am lucky to be dumpy to the point of invisibility.
I don't want Jon teaching our son to be vain. I don't want our son to distance himself from his Asian-ness. Unfortunately, jon has bought into the ignorant, Anglo "all Asians look alike" bullshit. He resents looking like one of 'them'. Has it ever occurred to him that a lot of Asians sport a similar haircut because it is flattering to their hair-type or features? Or the fact that there are like 4 haircuts that white dudes have?
I am certainly not saying that surfing the wave of main stream America is easier. I am just saying it is lame to look like an asshole on principal because you want to look 'different.'
I want our son to know it really doesn't matter what is on the outside (as long as I approve), you can look however you want (as long as you are not my husband.)
Am I being as asshole? If you knew your mate HATED your hair would you change it? I know I would.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Some random remarks
I was looking at my last year's agenda to see when we paid our taxes last year. And I saw that on March 27th, at 5am, I got my first positive pregnancy test. It seems so crazy that it has only been a year since that day and that baby E is almost 5 months old. I know time flies is the biggest cliche in the world but man I guess it is a classic cliche because it is true.
Also my agenda looked way different last year. I have shows listed that I went to. The day my op/ed piece was in the SF Chronicle. Days I worked. Now my agenda reads like this:
4/11 grasps toy with two hands and brings to mouth
4/12 taxes accepted
4/13 FOUND FEET!
4/14 no poop :(
1:30 vag dr appoint
I was reading over at kdamnspot how none of her husband's siblings have not seen her 6 week old baby. I have a similar beef with jon's sister. She has no interest in seeing her nephew. I haven't even spoken to her since the baby was born. She was supposed to come out with the MIL for xmas. But decided she wasn't in the xmas spirit so she stayed in Charlotte. At first I felt bad for her, now I am outright pissed. I mean I know SF and Charlotte are far away from each other but this girl boasts all the time about her lucrative job and brand new Mercedes. She just doesn't care. Jon doesn't care so why should I? Also she is no longer talking to the MIL because the MIL had a poorly thought out "intervention" with the sister. She thinks she is on drugs and drinks too much both of which are probably true. Just for reference the SIL is going to be 33 this year it isn't like she is a kid. I always thought we would name her "godmother" We are not particularly religious, but just a thing. No way. I am going to have my brother Kevin and someone better be the godmother. See how she is punished! FEAR MY REIGN!
Also my agenda looked way different last year. I have shows listed that I went to. The day my op/ed piece was in the SF Chronicle. Days I worked. Now my agenda reads like this:
4/11 grasps toy with two hands and brings to mouth
4/12 taxes accepted
4/13 FOUND FEET!
4/14 no poop :(
1:30 vag dr appoint
I was reading over at kdamnspot how none of her husband's siblings have not seen her 6 week old baby. I have a similar beef with jon's sister. She has no interest in seeing her nephew. I haven't even spoken to her since the baby was born. She was supposed to come out with the MIL for xmas. But decided she wasn't in the xmas spirit so she stayed in Charlotte. At first I felt bad for her, now I am outright pissed. I mean I know SF and Charlotte are far away from each other but this girl boasts all the time about her lucrative job and brand new Mercedes. She just doesn't care. Jon doesn't care so why should I? Also she is no longer talking to the MIL because the MIL had a poorly thought out "intervention" with the sister. She thinks she is on drugs and drinks too much both of which are probably true. Just for reference the SIL is going to be 33 this year it isn't like she is a kid. I always thought we would name her "godmother" We are not particularly religious, but just a thing. No way. I am going to have my brother Kevin and someone better be the godmother. See how she is punished! FEAR MY REIGN!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Help! My child's a cutter
Baby has been driving us a little batty.
At night we are psyched if we get to sleep 2 hours in a row, and very upset if we are woken up every 45 minutes on the regular. I am guessing it is a growth spurt combined with a tooth that is trying to break through.
Well this morning when jon handed him to be I was shocked to see that baby seems to have tried to claw his scalp off in the night. It is truly horrifying. See photo.
I just feel all icky. I mean yes first and foremost there is IV. And I know yeast is a natural thing. But the idea that I have the ingredients to make bread or beer out of my vag is revolting. I know it is not the same yeast and actually I really like beer and bread. It's just gross and the fact that it has all these medical people stumped, well that sucks big monkey nuts.
Then baby has this gnarly diaper rash. I don't know. I spend like an hour outside in the park yesterday with him bare-assed to try to "Get some air in there." I swear there is no more often changed child and it isn't the clothe, believe me. He is a real mess with the paper diapers.
Now he has these slashes all over his forehead from his tiny razor nails. That I just trimmed.
My house is in shambles - more so than usual. Probably because baby isn't really into napping anymore why sleep during the day when you don't sleep at night? And when I only get 20 minutes or so, you know I am spending it dicking around on the computer and not wasting it vacuuming or doing dishes...
I think I threw my back out or twisted it trying to do some night nursing. Also I can't figure out the CA insurance to go see a chiro.
And to top it off I am going to be 30 in 40 days.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
100 years and 20 weeks
Today is significant in that it was the centennial of the big quake that shook SF in 1906 and left the city burning for 4 days. And my big boy is 20 weeks old today.
Today was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. Mia and I went to Golden Gate Park to let our boys soak up the sunshine. Leon peed outside 2x. It was cool.
I also coincidentally met the mommy portion of this dynamic blog duo. I was a bit star struck. Wood is really a knockout. It was cool to see her in the park. Even if my world's kinda collided.
I had a dream last night that Maria was pregnant again.
The baby found his feet and his weenie on the same day. He was curious about the weenie but the FEET! I told him that someday I would remind him for his feet preference and we would laugh and laugh...
Today was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. Mia and I went to Golden Gate Park to let our boys soak up the sunshine. Leon peed outside 2x. It was cool.
I also coincidentally met the mommy portion of this dynamic blog duo. I was a bit star struck. Wood is really a knockout. It was cool to see her in the park. Even if my world's kinda collided.
I had a dream last night that Maria was pregnant again.
The baby found his feet and his weenie on the same day. He was curious about the weenie but the FEET! I told him that someday I would remind him for his feet preference and we would laugh and laugh...
Sunday, April 16, 2006
The Mystery at the Old Vagina
So I went to the doctor's again on Friday trying to figure out what is happening to my labia et. all. I am so over being embarrassed by this and talking about it at length or describing in great detail to jon the deep extent of my itching.
Guess what? The nurse practitioner didn't know! At least she swabbed it and they sent it off to the lab. They gave me a mega pill to take. Isn't that nice, "no honey we don't know what it is, but take this pill" the wonders of modern medicine.
in other news to help us all recover from our illnesses. Baby has been waking up hourly or every 90 minutes all night for the last 3 nights. I am slow to say he is teething but there is a little white mound on his lower gum and I can't imagine what else to call it.
Between IV (itchy vagina) and no sleep, I am so fucking grumpy it isn't funny.
So that is what occupies my day. Oh and buying Robeez on eBay and then bitching about them to the seller. Caveat emptor right?
Guess what? The nurse practitioner didn't know! At least she swabbed it and they sent it off to the lab. They gave me a mega pill to take. Isn't that nice, "no honey we don't know what it is, but take this pill" the wonders of modern medicine.
in other news to help us all recover from our illnesses. Baby has been waking up hourly or every 90 minutes all night for the last 3 nights. I am slow to say he is teething but there is a little white mound on his lower gum and I can't imagine what else to call it.
Between IV (itchy vagina) and no sleep, I am so fucking grumpy it isn't funny.
So that is what occupies my day. Oh and buying Robeez on eBay and then bitching about them to the seller. Caveat emptor right?
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Back from Death's Door.
On Monday I was feeling a little crappy. So I thought I would lay down with the baby for his 11 o'clock nap. When we woke up an hour or so later. I thought someone had slipped me dying potion. My body ached, my joints were stiff and ouchy, I felt like I had the arthritis. I was chilled and just miserable. I tried to engage the baby in a popular game called - let's sleep some more. He thought that game sucked, then I tried - let's cuddle nice under the blankets. Not having it. So I went to feed him. NOOOO are you nuts? I don't want food from that lava tit! So I went to change him, my knees felt like they were going to give out. I finished changing him on the floor. Then I tried to entertain him with floor games. I was afraid I may drop him. I took my temp and promised myself if it was over 100, I would call jon and beg him to come home. It was 100.2, so I called jon and then put the baby in the crib and curled up on the floor next to the crib. It was sad.
Jon then took care of the baby for the rest of the day while I slept. He is a prince among men.
My mom called me last night to tell me they just got a patient who has herpes in her brain. She called me special to tell me because she knew it was gross and loves to talk about gross things. Then she told me about in the past how they had a lady with gonorrhea in her lungs. I guess she got some infected spooge in there and it set up camp. How nasty. She used to tell me these stories to scare me away from sex. But I am like, mom I had a baby. I have seen first hand what sex can do!
Also me and my vagina are no longer on speaking terms...
Jon then took care of the baby for the rest of the day while I slept. He is a prince among men.
My mom called me last night to tell me they just got a patient who has herpes in her brain. She called me special to tell me because she knew it was gross and loves to talk about gross things. Then she told me about in the past how they had a lady with gonorrhea in her lungs. I guess she got some infected spooge in there and it set up camp. How nasty. She used to tell me these stories to scare me away from sex. But I am like, mom I had a baby. I have seen first hand what sex can do!
Also me and my vagina are no longer on speaking terms...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
It seems like a million years
Since I last wrote but it was really only a week or so ago.
Jon has been ill. coughing and stuffy, not too bad but not too helpful. He chastised me this weekend for not being sympathetic enough, I was just like 'sorry babe, I just don't have anything left for you.' Then that made me feel kind of sad.
He stayed home from work yesterday. I took the opportunity to go to urgent care and get my tootsie looked at because something was awry downtown. I am unsure what. And after three hours of waiting, neither did the doctor. (WARNING TMI FOLLOWING)
At my 6 week check up I had a vaginal cyst located over my stitches. I was pretty sure that it was infected, since for the last week or so it was all red, swollen, and itchy. It was nice to reaquaintance myself with my gingham which had been my forsworn enemy since the birth of the baby. I was mad at it for not being the same. It was slightly alarming when I finally took mirror in hand to investigate. My stitches/rip has not healed to be "better than before" as promised. It look like a bad sewing job. And m'lady seems to be a different colour - an angry crimson instead of the lovely pink of yore.
So now I am attacking it with various creams and potions. Maybe it has to do with my post partum bladder problem, and the pee is irritating my flaming lips.
Yeah you think it is disgusting to read about try having it.
Jon has been ill. coughing and stuffy, not too bad but not too helpful. He chastised me this weekend for not being sympathetic enough, I was just like 'sorry babe, I just don't have anything left for you.' Then that made me feel kind of sad.
He stayed home from work yesterday. I took the opportunity to go to urgent care and get my tootsie looked at because something was awry downtown. I am unsure what. And after three hours of waiting, neither did the doctor. (WARNING TMI FOLLOWING)
At my 6 week check up I had a vaginal cyst located over my stitches. I was pretty sure that it was infected, since for the last week or so it was all red, swollen, and itchy. It was nice to reaquaintance myself with my gingham which had been my forsworn enemy since the birth of the baby. I was mad at it for not being the same. It was slightly alarming when I finally took mirror in hand to investigate. My stitches/rip has not healed to be "better than before" as promised. It look like a bad sewing job. And m'lady seems to be a different colour - an angry crimson instead of the lovely pink of yore.
So now I am attacking it with various creams and potions. Maybe it has to do with my post partum bladder problem, and the pee is irritating my flaming lips.
Yeah you think it is disgusting to read about try having it.
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