Hair

Let me start off my saying how attractive my husband is. He is so handsome and as the years have passed he has come into himself and just gotten better and better looking. He still gives me butterflies when he walks around the apartment scantily clad. Then I feel guilty that I have become such a pig, compared to the girl he met 12 years ago. At the end of my pregnancy I was in fact twice the girl he met, almost. I say to him "well at least I have a good personality right? And you love me for what's inside?" And because he is smart and sweet he says "I love you for what's on the inside and outside." OK so that is established...
I HATE it when jon grows his hair out. I think it looks stupid and ugly and I say as much to him. If he said anything remotely approaching how mean I am about his hair to me I would melt into a puddle on the floor and cry for days.
The two major breaks in our relationship have happened when he had long hair. I t just looks awful. He touches it non-stop when it is long. Always shaking his head to see his bangs and pulling in the back to see how far around his neck it goes. In an hour I bet, no lie, he would touch his hair like 75 times. I can't stand it, it is like a narcissistic tick.
It makes his head look gigantic. It makes him look like some kind of refugee. We were watching this special on the Tiananmen Square Massacre and jon has the same hair as all the student activists in 1989, men and women. As a Korean man, he has beautiful, thick, black, shiny hair. However, when it gets any length to it, it hangs around his face like a heavy curtain of grease and gross. It hides his remarkable jaw line and handsome face. Are you getting the idea of how much I hate his hair long? Because I could go on, and probably will...
Perhaps the worst part of it is how cool he thinks he looks. He listens to too much brit pop trash and he thinks his hair looks all mod and shit. I feel a little embarrassed for him a) that he thinks that is cool and b) that he cares that much about being cool. He thinks someone is going to ask him to join Babyshambles or something.
You know when you see people with terrible unflattering 80's hair or that terrible Eastern Block red dye job, and you think "oh that poor person, they don't have any one who loves them to tell them how bad they look." That was jon. It wasn't like it was styled just shaggy and unkept and ugly.
I hated it so.
So this weekend I threw my substantial weight around. Pouting and moping and being generally short and bitchy. Every time jon would ask me what was wrong I would say, "your hair." In reality it was/is a combo of IV (more on that saga) and mild depression, whatevs.
By Sunday he made the app. And by 6 pm my handsome husband was back. When he walked in the door I believe my words were "bestill my heart." I used a BJ as a bargaining chip and jon cashed in.
Then he tells me how he spent $100 including tip and product on his hair. He gave the woman who told him his hair looked like Don Ho a $32 tip because "she gave me a really really good haircut." By the time he got home from work Monday, he told me he was going to shave it off. I said, "you shave off your $100 haircut and I am going to punch you in the face." I probably didn't mean it but have you ever heard of such a thing?
He was despondent all night last night. It was really too bad he ruined my day because I had a wonderful sweet day with baby. He wouldn't look at me or address me unless it was baby related.
He refused to eat and pouted all night because "now he looks like every other Asian guy" I personally don't see the advantage of being known as the Asian guy with ugly refugee hair, but that is just me.
Then he drank 1/2 a bottle of wine and was all jokey like he hadn't spent the previous hours acting like a child. Well I didn't drink and I remember him acting like as ass.
It hurts, He was the only adult I talked to yesterday and he thinks it is ok to punish me for having him get a haircut?

The problem is bigger than hair or alcoholism here. I know it is probably hard work being good looking all day. Maybe I am lucky to be dumpy to the point of invisibility.
I don't want Jon teaching our son to be vain. I don't want our son to distance himself from his Asian-ness. Unfortunately, jon has bought into the ignorant, Anglo "all Asians look alike" bullshit. He resents looking like one of 'them'. Has it ever occurred to him that a lot of Asians sport a similar haircut because it is flattering to their hair-type or features? Or the fact that there are like 4 haircuts that white dudes have?
I am certainly not saying that surfing the wave of main stream America is easier. I am just saying it is lame to look like an asshole on principal because you want to look 'different.'
I want our son to know it really doesn't matter what is on the outside (as long as I approve), you can look however you want (as long as you are not my husband.)

Am I being as asshole? If you knew your mate HATED your hair would you change it? I know I would.