meltdown #17

I am the size of a whale.

I just washed a load of the baby's clothing. Something bleed and now everything that was fresh and white is blueish or greyish.
I wish I could say that I was not extremely distraught, because that is foolish, who cares if his cute little onesies are now dingy looking? He won't know the difference.
I feel like I am already failing as a mother. I can't even wash fucking clothes.

Jon is in Minneapolis and I was very upset when he called. He had obviously been drinking and that just annoyed me more. I don't know why, I mean he is a grown up and should be able to drink if he wants to. But his response is, "Don't worry about it, we can just buy more." He has no idea that some of these items were gifts or that his next two paychecks are already spent. As in - Gone. He is the breadwinner but he has no idea about our $$$ situation.

I think Motu has an ear infection because he keeps scratching it and it smells sweet. On the upside I have been taking cold-liver oil for #1's brain, and Motu likes the pills so I give him one too. His coat has never been so gleaming. People remark about it all the time.

Also I have heart burn.
Ugh I really can't deal.