So that's what happened to 9 little skin tags that I got removed from my body this morning.
The worst part, of course, the needle. I was feeling woozy but I couldn't admit it. The dr, who was this white blonde old man that had a swedish or austrian accent kept saying, "Are ve Ok?" for some reason I just giggled like I was 8 or something. The needle felt like he was injecting fire into my fatty wart knobs (doesn't 'skin tag' sound so much better?). Then after the numbness set in, he cut them off with scissors! Eeeek. Then he burns them with this wand thing that looked like a portable cigarette lighter thingy from the car. All I could smell was ham. Although I thought I was going to york, the smell still made me hungry. How fuckin gross is that?
Do you think by 5 a day they mean 5 varieties of cheese and cheesy like substances. All I want to eat is salt and cheese. YUM!
I love it that it is still a mystery to me why I weight 4 metric tons!
Last night Roofie pissed on Motu's bed for the fortieth time. I was so unbelievably irate that I grabbed Roofie by his scruff and squeezed the shit out of him he was spurting piss like a fountain while I rubbed his face in the piss. Then I locked him out on the porch in Time Out for like an hour until Jon got back from the airport. (he went to LA, where he saw, John Luvitz, and Steve Forbes (?, I am dubious of this one, and he ate at the Ivy.)
I am such a horrible small human. I hate myself after these gross abuses of poor Roofie, but it is like I am possessed by rage. I wonder if I could be capable of murder in such a state. What if I beat my children? Ugh, drama...
PS that album that won best record of the year, the Ray Charles one, sucks. It is like the music you have to endure while you are getting root canal at the dentist. I sorry he is dead and I fully intend to see Ray. But it is still a boring ass album. But how much does Melissa "baldy" Etheridge Rock? She was awesome...
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pissing kittens can inspire serious rage. i know: i have two of them. but be gentle. i still can't get the look on my cat regis's face out of my head from when i smooshed him into his piss puddle , and that was months ago.
as for knitting tips, don't give up. knitting patterns are like secret frustrating code- so do not use one yet. you have to first learn the basic stitches, and you must make boring mistake-mangled rectangles in order to do that. then you will be ready for patterns. oh, and hats are EASY. especially for babies. there's hope yet, i promise.
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