Nirvana

I have been listening to a lot of Nirvana lately. It has been making me sad. Poor Kurt, he was so fricken fucked up. He is the poster boy for depression. Lithium is like the depression anthem. God, Smells Like Teen Spirit, I cannot help but be sent right to where I was when I first heard that song. We were at Jaime Whitney's house, up in her room and we just listened to it over and over and over and over again. We were dancing like freaks. It makes me feel happy and sad for young kristen. I had no idea the song would still move me so deeply 15 years later. That the song would still be so important.

I have been having a pretty good week.
I almost went a full week without crying. Then I cried in yoga on Friday cause it was too hard :(
But a whole week without tears? Shit - the meds are finally starting to do their job.
I sent this weird group email a few minutes ago ( i kinda want to undo):

Please excuse the group email:

I wanted to write this note, to some of the important people in my life, as a little explanation.
I have been battling severe PP depression for the last year. It started 4 months after Elias was born. I feel like I really hit rock bottom around his 1st birthday and the first few months of this year have been incredibly difficult.
I have not been responding to emails, or phone calls, or anything for that matter. I hope you can understand why. It has been hard for me to function.

I have been feeling much better for the last week. A combination of therapy and medication seems to have finally brought some relief.
I have been embarrassed of this affliction. But I am trying hard to overcome that. It sucks so hard and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I am not ashamed. I have done the very best I could under the crumby circumstances. But with me being so far away it is easy to hide, but I wouldn't hide if I had a broken leg, right? I just happen to have a broken brain right now.

that's it.

It feels good to have written it and to believe that everything I wrote is true.