Day 2 of 10

So we have been having a really really hard time getting E to bed. Like really hard. As in Saturday night, I ended up slapping him and then sobbing outside into the warm night air. I know, I am a monster. How could a two year old get me to that level?
'Bedtime' started at 7:45. It was after 10 that I lost it and slapped him. It was after hours of trying to be reasonable, negotiating, and threatening. In the end hitting did nothing but demonstrate my utter lack of control and his success in working me up into a lather. It also didn't 'scare him' into submission.
Sunday j left for Beijing. Last night I tried to reason with him. Bedtime started at 7:30 pm with a calming bath, no tv, and several stories. I left his lamp on in his room. Because it was "too darky." Then we tried sleeping in 'Mommy's crib.' After 40 minutes of that failing I put him back in his room, with the lamp on. He still came out. My blood was boiling. At 10pm I totally lost it. I couldn't even trust myself to put him back in his crib. I just screamed him back to bed, soothing no? I shut off the light and locked the door. He screamed and banged at the door for 10 minutes. I am surprised my neighbors didn't call the cops. Because 10 minutes of toddler shrieking is pretty alarming.
He was up at 4 because he 'had to poop'. He didn't.
Of course I had to stay up until midnight just to try to capture some time for me. Margot at the Wedding was a pretty good movie. I heart Jennifer Jason Leigh, she is so beautiful.

I have also put a no-call gag on J. I hate talking to him while he is traveling. All he does is complain, all I do is complain. Of course he called today, yes after I reiterated what I needed from him several times, big surprise, it fell on deaf ears. So I let E talk to him and then pretty much hung up on him. Things have been EXTREMELY strained with J. As in we haven't been sleeping in the same room. I have such incredible resentment for him. I can't stand being in the same room with him. I can't stand the way he smells, the noises he makes while he sleeps, the way he talks to the dog. All of his actions seem to highlight all the things about him that make me crazy. I am in a pretty bad funk about it. Aside from the two hours of relief i get from E in the evening, I am actually glad he is gone. I am making the dog sleep out of the room. If only I could paralyze the cats from 8pm-8am, then I wouldn't have been woken up by them.
Everyone is afraid of me, the dog is running around with his butt tucked and his ears back. E has taken to yelling his needs at me since clearly it is the only way I can communicate.