1994
Poser high-school senior stops secretly smoking in her car and goes to college. She smokes like it making money for her. I smoked often and a lot.
This abusive affair continues on and off through the next 6 years.
2001
I was living in Brooklyn at the time and working for Nautica Inc. I got a massive respiratory infection that threw me for a serious loop. I was on all kinds of gnarly antibiotics. I was spewing up a rainbow of phlegm samples. Cigarettes and I broke off abruptly and soundly.
Fast Forward to 2007
I am one of those people that was happy when they made it illegal to smoke in bars in NYC. I am the one coughing when the smoke gets in my face. I ask people to move in cafes if they try to smoke near my baby.
Jon calls me a fascist.
I bought a pack on Wednesday, they are almost gone.
I am supposed to report to Dr. Liz any uncharacteristic behavior. She is afraid the Zoloft is making me "manic-y", (honest Mariel!) and she wants to put me on a mood stabilizer.
I hate this road I am on. I find myself often wishing I had never gone here.
The weird thing is how delicious and enticing the cigarettes are. Occasionally, in the last years I have been drinking and tasted one just for old time. They did me wrong and made me gag. I am no longer gagging and I am craving one.
Yuck!
I know how stupid it is. Why am I doing this? I know they age you. WTF?!
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