tools

So in theory, I am in the hospital (PHP), to learn coping skills. To learn how to deal with emotional chaos and the like.
my mantra:
"I am doing the best I can right this second"
And I cannot underestimate the power of breathing.

However, right now I am locked in my bedroom while jon and his mom interview a potential nanny. I feel like someone took the car keys away. Actually it is more like, I gave the car keys away. So the best I can do at this second is run away, actually just hide in my room.

These are some things that I have to try to keep in my head:
-Eventually I am not going to be depressed.
-The fact that I feel like it was a huge mistake for me to have a baby is part of the depression.
-Eventually I may even begin to enjoy this.
-This is not my fault.
-Negative thoughts are only going to encourage more negativity. Instead of saying "I hate my self I am so fucking stupid I would be doing the world a favor if I just donated my body to science."
I should say
"I deserve to love myself, I am doing the very best that I can, I will get better."

If you have read this blog, you know I am not a positive paula. It is really hard to try to flip the script on thirty years of thinking. But that shit wasn't working for me so maybe this will...