Email translation:

What I rec'd:

Just checked my gmail and was VERY surprised!!!!! I haven't yet switched over from bellsouth to gmail so I don't check it all the time. Wow, he's getting so big. I can't wait until the 23rd. Do you think he'll stay with us for a night at the 4 seasons? That is, if you'll let him come ?? TTFN,Love, Gramma

What I read:
Why didn't you tell me you sent me photos of the my grandson? I hold you responsible that it has been over a week and I have not seen these photos. Also you sent it to the wrong email address, dummy.
Can we save E from your dump of a house and show him how life is with gramma and carl at the four seasons? Where the faucets flow with chocolate milk and instead of dust bunnies you find M&M's under the bed. That is if you will stop being a selfish hateful bitch for more than 2 seconds in a row??

my reply, what I want to write,
There will be no sleep overs. It would be way too confusing for him to try to sleep somewhere else for one night so you can play mommy and feed him nothing but chocolate. Since, as you know the only way he can love you is through bribery. Also we'll have to see where we are as far as potty training. but all of these are excuses to say no. If one weekend took 1 1/2 weeks to undo. Then one night
Also he is not a baby, where do you think he will sleep? He doesn't just stay put. I know your husband will not take kindly to being kept awake all night. Then where will you be?

my reply, what I will write:

(if you can't say anything nice...)








Also someone asked me if I was expecting the other day. I am a house. Not the good kind.