So fucking stupid:
So I wrote Jon a letter on Monday. It was me pretty much laying my guts on the line. He got it the next day. "I got your mail, it is hard to talk about I'll write you back. So I dutifully check the mail. By Friday I ask him if I should stop looking for a letter. He says no I am going to send it down with my
Mom and you'll get it Saturday just as if I mailed it." Big surprise no letter with mom. I start sobbing immediately. She says, "well his recovery comes first."
I know he lied to me about the letter, there is no letter. Right back to the old ways. "He is such a fucking liar", I sobbed and walked out.
I get it. It is all about him. It always will be. What the fuck am I doing?
I am trying to be zen about it. With all the chaos just do and the answer will present itself. I know I am not going to get served with anything I can't handle but we are getting pretty fucking close to critical mass.