I think I am cracking. However, I am also taking into account the following,
1. the date, aunt flo makes me fragile.
2. Working on day 7 of a cold. Lower back hurts. Nose congested amounts of snot I have swallowed, immeasurable.
3. Interrupted, anxiety fueled dream sleep- never all that restful.
4. Seriously considering moving back to the east coast.

All of these things coupled with despite the fact that jon is back. He is not here, literally or figuratively. I am a basket case well within reason.

I have been trying really hard to let go of my anger. I think instead I am just redirecting it. Away from the "guilty" party and back to me and e.

Last night when jon went to bed @7:00. E was screaming at me that he hates me and wants daddy. He was shrieking this app. 8 feet from where jon was sleeping. Does jon stir ? Sure does, and rolls over. I realize I was looking at the future as a single parent. I would be the one there every day. I would be the bad parent while jon gets to continue to be the slacker liar he is and as a bi-product, the hero.

Fml