I should just change the name of this blog to "...and then the baby woke up."
I have like 4 posts that began and then were abruptly cut off due to wails and screams that send me running.
Last week jon popped on me that he was to be gone for the majority of March. TO Europe for two weeks. He comes back for 5 days and then he is off to Asia for a week. And Yes this is on top of the trip he is leaving for next week.
I knew this would happen. He has to travel a lot for his job, nothing new. I just find myself really punishing him.
He was in L.A. last week for 2 days. When he came home I was so miserable. He saw Paris Hilton and I was just so resentful. Not so much of seeing Paris Hilton, I mean she is a skank. But the fact that he can just leave and be gone - He can enjoy hours and hours of interrupted sleep, being able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Will I ever be able to do that? I don't think so, not for a VERY long time. I don't know. It would break my heart to leave the baby for any period of time. I feel like I miss him when I go to sleep.
But poor Jon, I become such a martyr. I am bitter and jealous and resentful.
I asked jon to change the baby's diaper on Saturday morning and he wouldn't get out of bed. I LOST MY SHIT. This was his first morning back after returning from L.A. I was hysterical because he wouldn't get up and change the diaper. It wasn't about the diaper, it was about the fact that I can't shower when I want or take a shit in peace. And he couldn't get out of bed to help me?
God that must sound stupid and pathetic. Something so small can really send you over the edge. Jon was so surprised when he saw me sobbing. "I figured you were right there, you could change the diaper" I told him he was an ass and had no empathy. Honestly I said horrible things to the best man on the planet, who I am so lucky to have.
ugh.
It has been determined that my MIL is going to come and stay with me for a while in March and I think I may end up going home to MA for a while at the end of March.
...and then the baby cried, which is just as well since this was about to become a real pity party of one.
2 comments:
Just a note to say I absolutely understand what you are saying. J left me for a week when O was 5 weeks old and I was just so RESENTFUL ... of J's uninterrupted sleep, the not having to worry about the baby, etc.
I think caring for a baby who is less than a year old alone is very, very tough. When you're the ONLY one to wake up at night, to change every diaper, to do every feeding, it's just so stressful.
I don't think your reaction to Jon not wanting to change the diaper is at all crazy.
Good luck in March. It sounds like it's going to be a tough month.
thanks for the support ladies :)
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